Week 1: Virtual Book Club for June, 2012 - Conflict Management Coaching:The CINERGY Model

Welcome to this month's virtual book club! Over the month, my co-facilitator Tammy Lenski and I will be posting questions about the book and topic of conflict management coaching and we invite you to post your own questions and comments too.

We are going to be considering two chapters each week beginning this week with the Introduction and Chapter One. However as a starting point,  we want to know something about you and your interest in conflict management coaching. Please feel free to answer one or both of the following questions:

 

+ What attracted you to the book and topic of conflict management coaching?

 

+ What are you most wanting to learn and gain from our discussions this month? (That is, what will make it really worthwhile for you?)

 

If you have specific questions or comments about the Introduction and Chapter One of the book at this time, please feel free to post those.

 

We look forward to 'talking' with you!

 

 

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Replies to This Discussion

Looking forward to co-facilitating with you, Cinnie! 

Hi Cinnie,
I've been interested in conflict coaching ever since I learned about it...likely via your efforts.  I encouraged community organizations where I do volunteer mediation to adopt the process.  You're a leader in the field, and I want to learn about your process and tips.

 

Sometimes I've struggled to get results in cases where the client is sponsored by Management.  Either I didn't get enough time, or didn't use the right tools, or the person was just too entrenched...maybe I'll learn enough to kick myself!

 

Cheers,

Daryl Landau

Hey Cinnie,

 

In a previous job, we had a method for preparation for mediation that included a segment of coaching. I was exposed to your process in my current work and appreciated the way your approach can be used in a much broader sense. I've found it to be very useful.

It seems that it's important to follow the steps, and they do flow and provide a good framework. One thing I've noticed is that there is often a critical question that suddenly provides a huge amount of insight in the answer. I understand that it's the act of following through the model that allows that and I do need to get more and more familiar with it, and at the same time my focus right now is to become better at crafting questions.

 

In terms of the reading for this week, it was helpful to review an academic synopsis of the pillars, especially the mediation ones and reflect on where my practice lies.

 

Looking forward to it,

 

Chris Freeman

Hi, Daryl -

So glad you've joined us for the discussion of Cinnie's book. You mention that sometimes you've struggled to get results when coaching someone who's sponsored by management. Can you say a bit about the kinds of discussions from book group that you think would be most helpful to you?

Tammy



Daryl Landau said:

Hi Cinnie,
I've been interested in conflict coaching ever since I learned about it...likely via your efforts.  I encouraged community organizations where I do volunteer mediation to adopt the process.  You're a leader in the field, and I want to learn about your process and tips.

 

Sometimes I've struggled to get results in cases where the client is sponsored by Management.  Either I didn't get enough time, or didn't use the right tools, or the person was just too entrenched...maybe I'll learn enough to kick myself!

 

Cheers,

Daryl Landau

Hi, Chris, welcome to the book group! It sounds like you have some good coaching experience and are pretty familiar with Cinnie's work. Is there anything in particular you want from your participation here this month?

Tammy



Chris Freeman said:

Hey Cinnie,

 

In a previous job, we had a method for preparation for mediation that included a segment of coaching. I was exposed to your process in my current work and appreciated the way your approach can be used in a much broader sense. I've found it to be very useful.

It seems that it's important to follow the steps, and they do flow and provide a good framework. One thing I've noticed is that there is often a critical question that suddenly provides a huge amount of insight in the answer. I understand that it's the act of following through the model that allows that and I do need to get more and more familiar with it, and at the same time my focus right now is to become better at crafting questions.

 

In terms of the reading for this week, it was helpful to review an academic synopsis of the pillars, especially the mediation ones and reflect on where my practice lies.

 

Looking forward to it,

 

Chris Freeman

I'm the ED of a community mediation program.  We have contracts with a number of government and ngo organizations where, for a set annual fee, they can send referrals to us without charge to the actual participants.  However, as is often the case, the first party that is referred to us is motivated to try the process, but the second party is not.  When a contractor is spending thousands of dollars for our service and they send us (let's say, for example) 60 referrals during a year, and then they learn from our reports that only 15 of the cases were actually mediated, they often wonder if they should be paying for 15 cases, instead of 60.  I want to be able to offer comprehensive conflict coaching to the first party, so that my contractor sees the continued value of our service, even when cases don't go to the table.


The added benefit is that when both parties are willing to mediate, they will both be fully prepared and at the top of their game from all the pre-mediation coaching they will get!

I will be participating with an eye towards how I can develop a training in this subject, to get all my volunteer mediators up to speed, as quickly as possible.  Thanks for hosting this forum!

PS:  I didn't hear about this opportunity until last week, when it was posted on the NAFCM listserve.  I've ordered the book, but it has yet to arrive - so I will be playing catch up.

Hi Chip:

It is a great application of coaching  -  to prepare parties to actively and effectively participate in mediation and when one person doesn't show up or want to engage in the process. Under circumstances when people want to manage situations without the help of a third party conflict management coaching  also provides a service that is increasingly being used in a range of settings.

 

I am so glad you found out about this forum and please feel free to ask questions that will help you reach your goals. volunteers.

Cinnie

 

Hi Chris - it's always great to hear from you! And I look forward to hearing your answer to Tammy's question.

Speaking of questions, I think that  framing 'possibility' questions is one of the strongest skills coaches develop. It's not  an easy task to articulate the ones that facilitate increased self-awareness and insights and it takes lots of practice. We'll be talking further about skills such as this later in the month too.

Cinnie


 
Tammy Lenski said:

Hi, Chris, welcome to the book group! It sounds like you have some good coaching experience and are pretty familiar with Cinnie's work. Is there anything in particular you want from your participation here this month?

Tammy



Chris Freeman said:

Hey Cinnie,

 

In a previous job, we had a method for preparation for mediation that included a segment of coaching. I was exposed to your process in my current work and appreciated the way your approach can be used in a much broader sense. I've found it to be very useful.

It seems that it's important to follow the steps, and they do flow and provide a good framework. One thing I've noticed is that there is often a critical question that suddenly provides a huge amount of insight in the answer. I understand that it's the act of following through the model that allows that and I do need to get more and more familiar with it, and at the same time my focus right now is to become better at crafting questions.

 

In terms of the reading for this week, it was helpful to review an academic synopsis of the pillars, especially the mediation ones and reflect on where my practice lies.

 

Looking forward to it,

 

Chris Freeman

Hi Daryl:

It's really great that you encouraged a community organization to adopt a coaching process. I would be curious to know (and Chip may be too) under what circumstances the organization is using a conflict management coaching process.

 

Tammy's question is of interest to me as well. I look forward to hearing more.

Cinnie 


 
Tammy Lenski said:

Hi, Daryl -

So glad you've joined us for the discussion of Cinnie's book. You mention that sometimes you've struggled to get results when coaching someone who's sponsored by management. Can you say a bit about the kinds of discussions from book group that you think would be most helpful to you?

Tammy



Daryl Landau said:

Hi Cinnie,
I've been interested in conflict coaching ever since I learned about it...likely via your efforts.  I encouraged community organizations where I do volunteer mediation to adopt the process.  You're a leader in the field, and I want to learn about your process and tips.

 

Sometimes I've struggled to get results in cases where the client is sponsored by Management.  Either I didn't get enough time, or didn't use the right tools, or the person was just too entrenched...maybe I'll learn enough to kick myself!

 

Cheers,

Daryl Landau

I would like to add another question to those above.

 

For those who have had the chance to read the Introduction and Chapter One of the book, what two things did you  learn about conflict management coaching that you didn't know before you began reading?

Hi Cinnie, Tammy & all,

My name is Kristin, I am super excited to read this book with you. I am new to the coaching field, for the last 4 years I have been working as a mediator and a RJ facilitator, my masters is in DR and conflict management from SMU which I think prepared me well for those roles.

Recently I relocated with family to the SF Bay area and have decided to reformulate my conflict practice, and focus on conflict coaching. I am looking forward to this book to help me gain insights into how mediation differs from coaching while developing a systematic method that I can use with clients. Dr. Folger's work inspires me as it makes the most sense to helping people in conflict, so far I can hear a hint of influence on your practice so I am sure that I will enjoy your ideology and methods as well. 

In the first chapter, the information on neuroscience and coaching is new to me. I get that understanding neuroscience  will help us understand how we make decisions (which in turn helps us help client) but I have not had the chance to dive too far into it. What line of questioning, do you take with clients that keep them focused long enough on a particular challenge, that will help them to gain new perspectives on how they want to move forward with that challenge? 

That's all for now,

kristin

 

Hello All,

My name is Celia and I'm a Creighton NDR student working on my practicum.  I'm drawn to the topic of conflict coaching partiallly because of the work I'm doing for my practicum with a non-profit that works with women who are or have been in the military and because I am a military officer.  A lot of the conflict I see or experience is between people of differing ranks and though the military is mandated to have an ADR program in each service, I've never seen anyone use it.  There are many interpersonal conflicts that aren't monumental and causing enough problems to get attention, but if the relationships were improved and conflicts lessened, the end result would be better for the entire organization.  I am in a position to provide amateur coaching to those around me, whether they're peers, subordinates, or (rarely) even superiors who come to me asking for advice.  For part of my practicum I'm exploring conflict situations women face in the military and professionally and will provide the organization with resources to help manage these situations which will be available to all members.  I'm looking forward to getting deeper into the model & techniques!  

Celia 

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