ADRhub - Creighton NCR2024-03-29T11:20:36ZChris Freemanhttp://www.adrhub.com/profile/ChrisFreemanhttp://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/2309047315?profile=original&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1http://www.adrhub.com/group/adrbookclub/forum/topic/listForContributor?user=0qmqu2uk9eens&feed=yes&xn_auth=noADR and neurosciencetag:www.adrhub.com,2018-07-04:4905899:Topic:828082018-07-04T06:29:37.522ZChris Freemanhttp://www.adrhub.com/profile/ChrisFreeman
<p>Hi everyone I am Rosa and I live in Cost Rica in Central America.</p>
<p>I hope we can share ideas and trends in the ADR field. I am a lawyer, but a mediator and arbitrator too. I am fascinated with the neuroscience and its applications in mediation process-</p>
<p>For example, it is better to use joint sessions than just caucuses. Parties need to see each other and control the sincerity of the other party. I know it is easier for a mediator to manage parties emotions when they are…</p>
<p>Hi everyone I am Rosa and I live in Cost Rica in Central America.</p>
<p>I hope we can share ideas and trends in the ADR field. I am a lawyer, but a mediator and arbitrator too. I am fascinated with the neuroscience and its applications in mediation process-</p>
<p>For example, it is better to use joint sessions than just caucuses. Parties need to see each other and control the sincerity of the other party. I know it is easier for a mediator to manage parties emotions when they are separated, but that can be an excuse to nos use joint sessions.</p>
<p>What do you think?</p>
<p></p>
<p></p> Farewell but not good bye - end of the book club on Conflict Management Coaching:The CINERGY Modeltag:www.adrhub.com,2012-07-01:4905899:Topic:400802012-07-01T14:28:20.996ZChris Freemanhttp://www.adrhub.com/profile/ChrisFreeman
<p>Many many thanks to all of you who participated in the virtual book club this past month. Your questions and comments have been tremendous. Whether you added your comments or just listened in - it's been GREAT to connect with you!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I want to extend my sincere appreciation to Tammy Lenski who co-facilitated with me and generously provided her wisdom. I so admire Tammy's commitment and contribution to our field and am very grateful for her input.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I also want to…</p>
<p>Many many thanks to all of you who participated in the virtual book club this past month. Your questions and comments have been tremendous. Whether you added your comments or just listened in - it's been GREAT to connect with you!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I want to extend my sincere appreciation to Tammy Lenski who co-facilitated with me and generously provided her wisdom. I so admire Tammy's commitment and contribution to our field and am very grateful for her input.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I also want to thank the very creative Jeff Thompson of ADRHub for asking me to conduct June's book club. It's been a wonderful opportunity to share and network with you and showcase my book. It is also a unique way of building a community. Kudos to you and Bryan Hanson for co-creating the ADRHub!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For those of you who would like to keep a connection and conversation going about conflict management coaching, I started a 'club' - one of ADRHub's many. Just go to Conflict Management Coaching Club in the list and become a member. Whenever a question occurs to you- feel free to ask or otherwise, provide your comments, related resources you find helpful etc.</p>
<p>Wishing peace to you,</p>
<p>Cinnie</p>
<p><a href="http://www.cinergycoaching.com">www.cinergycoaching.com</a></p>
<p><a href="mailto:cinnie@cinergycoaching.com">cinnie@cinergycoaching.com</a></p> WEEK 4: Chapters 6 and 7 of Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY Modeltag:www.adrhub.com,2012-06-24:4905899:Topic:400452012-06-24T19:05:17.023ZChris Freemanhttp://www.adrhub.com/profile/ChrisFreeman
<p>Well members of the virtual book club - this is our final week discussing Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY Model. It's been so great conversing with you and we are very appreciative of your thoughtful questions and comments.</p>
<p><br></br>The focus this week is on the last 2 chapters - Chapters 6 and 7 and anything else you would like to discuss on the topic of coaching people through their conflicts and disputes.</p>
<p><br></br>Here are some questions to start off the…</p>
<p>Well members of the virtual book club - this is our final week discussing Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY Model. It's been so great conversing with you and we are very appreciative of your thoughtful questions and comments.</p>
<p><br/>The focus this week is on the last 2 chapters - Chapters 6 and 7 and anything else you would like to discuss on the topic of coaching people through their conflicts and disputes.</p>
<p><br/>Here are some questions to start off the discussion:</p>
<p><br/><u>Chapter 6:</u></p>
<p><br/>Of the various applications suggested in this chapter, which one(s) are new to you?</p>
<p><br/>Which one(s) resonate most as something you would like to add to your practice and why?</p>
<p><br/><u>Chapter 7:</u></p>
<p> </p>
<p>What other ways may there be to measure progress and success in conflict management coaching?</p>
<p><br/><u>Overall:</u></p>
<p></p>
<p>What are your biggest 'take aways' (learning, insights, etc.) from the book and/or our discussions here?</p>
<p><br/>What questions do you still have about conflict management coaching that were not answered in the book or in our discussions?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cinnie and Tammy</p> Wk 2: Chapters 2 and 3-Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY Modeltag:www.adrhub.com,2012-06-11:4905899:Topic:396582012-06-11T01:18:02.892ZChris Freemanhttp://www.adrhub.com/profile/ChrisFreeman
<p>Thank you for your comments and questions regarding the Introduction and Chapter One. It was great to hear from you!</p>
<p>This week we are moving ahead to discuss Chapters Two and Three. Here are some questions and of course, other related questions and comments are always welcome.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Chapter Two:</p>
<p>As you will have read in this chapter, the (Not So) Merry Go Round of Conflict provides a conflict analysis about the trajectory that occurs when we are provoked by another…</p>
<p>Thank you for your comments and questions regarding the Introduction and Chapter One. It was great to hear from you!</p>
<p>This week we are moving ahead to discuss Chapters Two and Three. Here are some questions and of course, other related questions and comments are always welcome.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Chapter Two:</p>
<p>As you will have read in this chapter, the (Not So) Merry Go Round of Conflict provides a conflict analysis about the trajectory that occurs when we are provoked by another person. By considering the elements sequentially as they are depicted in this construct, it helps people to gain some distance from their conflicts and observe themselves more objectively. It also helps them to stand in the shoes of the other person.</p>
<p>On the basis that you walked yourself through the cycle in the (Not So) Merry Go Round, what are your reflections on this analysis? </p>
<p></p>
<p>What other elements may add? </p>
<p></p>
<p>What other analyses have you found useful?</p>
<p></p>
<p>What other comments or questions do you have about this chapter?</p>
<p></p>
<p>Chapter 3:</p>
<p>This chapter considers the types of questions that commonly arise in the inquiry stage and other conversation points that come up in the intake - once coaching is going ahead.</p>
<p></p>
<p>What other questions may people ask - for which you also wish an answer?</p>
<p></p>
<p>What other comments or questions do you have about this chapter?</p>
<p></p>
<p>Looking forward to this week's discussion.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Cinnie and Tammy</p> Week 1: Virtual Book Club for June, 2012 - Conflict Management Coaching:The CINERGY Modeltag:www.adrhub.com,2012-06-04:4905899:Topic:393572012-06-04T11:06:02.863ZChris Freemanhttp://www.adrhub.com/profile/ChrisFreeman
<p>Welcome to this month's virtual book club! Over the month, my co-facilitator Tammy Lenski and I will be posting questions about the book and topic of conflict management coaching and we invite you to post your own questions and comments too.</p>
<p>We are going to be considering two chapters each week beginning this week with the Introduction and Chapter One. However as a starting point, we want to know something about you and your interest in conflict management coaching. Please feel free…</p>
<p>Welcome to this month's virtual book club! Over the month, my co-facilitator Tammy Lenski and I will be posting questions about the book and topic of conflict management coaching and we invite you to post your own questions and comments too.</p>
<p>We are going to be considering two chapters each week beginning this week with the Introduction and Chapter One. However as a starting point, we want to know something about you and your interest in conflict management coaching. Please feel free to answer one or both of the following questions:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>+ What attracted you to the book and topic of conflict management coaching?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>+ What are you most wanting to learn and gain from our discussions this month? (That is, what will make it really worthwhile for you?)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If you have specific questions or comments about the Introduction and Chapter One of the book at this time, please feel free to post those.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We look forward to 'talking' with you!</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p> Book Club Version 3: Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY Model by Cinnie Nobletag:www.adrhub.com,2012-04-09:4905899:Topic:375002012-04-09T20:05:20.134ZChris Freemanhttp://www.adrhub.com/profile/ChrisFreeman
<div><a href="http://www.adrhub.com/group/adrbookclub" target="_blank"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/2311555027?profile=RESIZE_480x480" width="450"></img></a> </div>
<div>We are happy to announce the popular book club will be back June 1st. This book will be <b>Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY Model. </b></div>
<div><b><br></br></b></div>
<div>The author, Cinnie Noble, will be the co-moderator for this addition of the book club allowing you the unique chance to not only engage other professionals but also the author!</div>
<div>An added benefit to purchasing…</div>
<div><a href="http://www.adrhub.com/group/adrbookclub" target="_blank"><img width="450" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/2311555027?profile=RESIZE_480x480" width="450" class="align-full"/></a> </div>
<div>We are happy to announce the popular book club will be back June 1st. This book will be <b>Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY Model. </b></div>
<div><b><br/></b></div>
<div>The author, Cinnie Noble, will be the co-moderator for this addition of the book club allowing you the unique chance to not only engage other professionals but also the author!</div>
<div>An added benefit to purchasing her book and being part of the club is Cinnie donates a portion of the proceeds to Mediators Beyond Borders.</div>
<div>About the book:</div>
<div><p><strong>Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY</strong>™ Model is a comprehensive and dynamic book about coaching people on a one-on-one basis, to improve their skills for managing and engaging in their interpersonal disputes. The text not only describes the research-based coaching model that uniquely combines conflict management, coaching and neuroscience principles. It also shares many forms and ideas that support a coaching practice.</p>
<p>Conflict Management Coaching is aimed at coaches, mediators and other conflict management practitioners, HR professionals, leaders, lawyers, psychologists, social workers and others who work with people in conflict.</p>
</div>
<div>Read more about the book and where to purchase it here:</div>
<div><a href="http://www.cinergycoaching.com/conflict-management-coaching-book/">http://www.cinergycoaching.com/conflict-management-coaching-book/</a></div> Thank Youtag:www.adrhub.com,2011-07-06:4905899:Topic:203362011-07-06T20:13:17.827ZChris Freemanhttp://www.adrhub.com/profile/ChrisFreeman
<p>Hello Everyone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thank you for all those who participated in the second ADRhub book club. I really appreciated everyone's insights. Each of you amazed me at the perspectives you offered and I took away some very valuable ideas.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I hope you all have a wonderful summer. Again, it was such a great experience and I hope each one of you joins us next time for another book club session.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If anyone has any suggestions in regards to the next book, format,…</p>
<p>Hello Everyone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thank you for all those who participated in the second ADRhub book club. I really appreciated everyone's insights. Each of you amazed me at the perspectives you offered and I took away some very valuable ideas.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I hope you all have a wonderful summer. Again, it was such a great experience and I hope each one of you joins us next time for another book club session.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If anyone has any suggestions in regards to the next book, format, or how to engage even more people to share in this experience with us, let me know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All the very best and until next time,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lynsee</p> Final Thoughtstag:www.adrhub.com,2011-06-29:4905899:Topic:199212011-06-29T05:18:51.142ZChris Freemanhttp://www.adrhub.com/profile/ChrisFreeman
<p>Sutton's Upshot: We are all given only so many hours here on earth. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could travel through our lives without encountering people who bring us down with their demeaning remarks and actions (184)?</p>
<p>What does everyone think of that statement?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm not sure if this is a pessimistic view, or more of a realist, but I think this sounds like a lot of wishful thinking. Like other things, the war on drugs, end of poverty, world peace, estc..this ideal…</p>
<p>Sutton's Upshot: We are all given only so many hours here on earth. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could travel through our lives without encountering people who bring us down with their demeaning remarks and actions (184)?</p>
<p>What does everyone think of that statement?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm not sure if this is a pessimistic view, or more of a realist, but I think this sounds like a lot of wishful thinking. Like other things, the war on drugs, end of poverty, world peace, estc..this ideal should always be chased. But unfortunately, as long as power corrupts, we will all encounter ass holes along the way. However, (this is where my post gets happier) this is where we have the decision to make. Will we further the abuse by relaying the harassment to those under us? Will we put up with assholes or stand our ground? Perhaps the best thing we can do is succeed. Nothing makes for a better example then succeeding the right way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I want to end this discussion with a quote that has helped me throughout my career. "You can only control what you can control." This quote has two sides. First, I try not to worry about things I cannot control. It does me no good. Secondly,and most importantly, I try to make everything into an opportunity. I try to change anything that is making life harder for me. My job deals with a lot of logistics, and therefore, a few failed services from time to time. While I am helpless when a customer is left empty handed, I try my best to change the situation.I change the process to ensure I can monitor every transaction, cut out middlemen, etc...In the same way, I deal with a lot of jerks and ass holes. I figure out every way possible to avoid or change that person to make my life easier. Customers, employees, and vendors, can always be fired by you in some way. As the author suggests, problem employees should eradicated as soon as possible. In the same way, I have let customers go that I deem too much of a pain.</p> Chapter 7 and Final Thoughts.....tag:www.adrhub.com,2011-06-27:4905899:Topic:199142011-06-27T15:06:16.645ZChris Freemanhttp://www.adrhub.com/profile/ChrisFreeman
<p>Hi Everyone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As we have made it to our last week, I want to say how wonderful it is to read all of everyone's thougths and perspectives.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Chapter 7, "The No Asshole Rule as a Way of Life"</p>
<p>Sutton's Upshot: We are all given only so many hours here on earth. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could travel through our lives without encountering people who bring us down with their demeaning remarks and actions (184)?</p>
<p>What does everyone think of that…</p>
<p>Hi Everyone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As we have made it to our last week, I want to say how wonderful it is to read all of everyone's thougths and perspectives.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Chapter 7, "The No Asshole Rule as a Way of Life"</p>
<p>Sutton's Upshot: We are all given only so many hours here on earth. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could travel through our lives without encountering people who bring us down with their demeaning remarks and actions (184)?</p>
<p>What does everyone think of that statement? With what we read in the book, can we make it happen in our own lives?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My other questions is a few general questions about the book as a whole. What did everyone think of it? As people who work or study in the field of conflict, what is your reaction to Sutton's "The No Asshole Rule". Is there anything in the book that may help you in dealing with these type of people? Or any idea he gave that may be improved upon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This being the last week, I just really want to hear from you your overall thoughts and reactions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anyone who has not written yet and has just been reading comments, please feel free to join us in this final week.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span style="color: #339966;">**Remember to post in new thread</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thanks everyone. Have a great week.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lynsee</p> Indifferencetag:www.adrhub.com,2011-06-24:4905899:Topic:198042011-06-24T10:15:38.697ZChris Freemanhttp://www.adrhub.com/profile/ChrisFreeman
<p><em>Chapter 5:</em></p>
<p><em>Sutton gives an example of Ruth who imagines herself floating through the rapids and while sitting with her demeaning colleagues, their opinions did not touch her or her soul (136).</em></p>
<p><em>Is this something that is possible? If so, has anyone done this successfully and how so? Can this successfully be taught to those who have to perpetually put up with these jerks and/or bullying?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, while I understand that some people really…</p>
<p><em>Chapter 5:</em></p>
<p><em>Sutton gives an example of Ruth who imagines herself floating through the rapids and while sitting with her demeaning colleagues, their opinions did not touch her or her soul (136).</em></p>
<p><em>Is this something that is possible? If so, has anyone done this successfully and how so? Can this successfully be taught to those who have to perpetually put up with these jerks and/or bullying?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, while I understand that some people really are stuck in jobs where they are surrounded by jerks, I think that the 'floating through the rapids' is a very passive way of 'surviving' such a job. I also agree with Jeff where he asked if putting exlax into chocolates was all that Sutton could give us to get revenge. He then went on to say that revenge isn't something we shouldn't be looking for and I completely agree, especially in conflict mediation - since revenge just aggravates the conflict. I think it's about justice and equality.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Learning to 'block out or be indifferent to' demeaning jerks I think is only the first step to how you can handle or tackle jerks in your profession. Sutton then talks about looking for friends and little victories. Again, it's sound advice but even this must be exhausting and sometimes frustrating and completely unproductive while you are at work and shouldn't have to concentrate on these things but on what you're supposed to be doing. I think this part of the book is lacking in a more emphatic take on being against and tackling jerks, talented or not, in power or not.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I therefore think that it should be a fight for justice - being open about how jerks make you feel or what they are doing to others in a calm manner and talking to them and to their superiors if possible I think might be a better, more direct, swifter way to tackle the problem. Standing up for yourself might mean you recieve a backlask at first, but perhaps your strength and courage may show the bully that he can't intimidate you and most bully's i've encountered usually leave you alone once you have called them up on their behaviour. You can't fire something for sharing an opinion, and if this were to happen, its illegal and perfectly 'reportable'. We should be encouraged not to be afraid of these jerks, they are, after all, just people that may have even more insecurities than the victims they terrorise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I also think that the key is the victims first reaction to the first time they are being bullied or demeaned. If the jerk sees he can get away with it right from the start, all he will do is keep taking it to the next level. If the victim shows strength and can't be intimidated from the start, then perhaps the jerk will think twice before he tries to push that person around again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I have encountered many certified jerks in my life (as most of us will have) and one in particular, when I was only about 17 and working in a restaurant and she was an assistant manager. When I started I was the butt of all her not so nice jokes and she bossed me around way more than anyone else did until two weeks later I had had enough and I answered her back in front of the rest of the staff. She never bothered me again and even began to be friendly with my by the end of the year. People like that push and push to see how far they can go. The idea is not to let them from the word go. This is a learning curve especially for people with more delicate personalities who go out of their way to please people. I admit that when I was young I was like this, too much in fact, that I was pretty much a push over and had a 'friend' who psychologically bullied me for three years at high school by emotionally blackmailing me into coming to her house and doing what she wanted, getting angry at me for ridiculous reasons and constantly making me feel guilty until one day with one particularly nasty incident I snapped and answered her back over the phone and she never spoke to me again all through our last year at high school. I remember feeling physically sick anytime she was around and now when I look back I think how ridiculous it was that I could ever let anyone treat me so badly. So when I encountered the assistant manager at the restaurant, even though she wasn't as much of a (and I would say bitch here), I just wasn't prepared to put up with any crap from anyone. This fight starts with each individual internally and it's up to each person to learn how to see through bullies and how to react so that you aren't the ones wrongly feeling bad or guilty.</p>