Wk 2: Chapters 2 and 3-Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY Model

Thank you for your comments and questions regarding the Introduction and Chapter One. It was great to hear from you!

This week we are moving ahead to discuss Chapters Two and Three. Here are some questions and of course, other related questions and comments are always welcome.

Chapter Two:

As you will have read in this chapter, the (Not So) Merry Go Round of Conflict provides a conflict analysis about the trajectory that occurs when we are provoked by another person. By considering the elements sequentially as they are depicted in this construct, it helps people to gain some distance from their conflicts and observe themselves more objectively. It also helps them to stand in the shoes of the other person.

On the basis that you walked yourself through the cycle in the (Not So) Merry Go Round, what are your reflections on this analysis? 

What other elements may add? 

What other analyses have you found useful?

What other comments or questions do you have about this chapter?

Chapter 3:

This chapter considers the types of questions that commonly arise in the inquiry stage and other conversation points that come up in the intake - once coaching is going ahead.

What other questions may people ask - for which you also wish an answer?

What other comments or questions do you have about this chapter?

Looking forward to this week's discussion.

Cinnie and Tammy

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Replies to This Discussion

Hi Andre:

To begin with, I am very appreciative for  your comments and compliments. Thank you.

 

Chapter 2:

With respect to your comments about the 'boundary' of the Not So Merry Go Round of Conflict, I think  that how I describe  the evolution (or maybe it's the 'evilution' :))  from a conflict to a dispute is not exactly the 'name, blame, claim' framework you refer to.

I suggest that the evolution of interpersonal conflicts to disputes occurs when we experience that the other person has crossed a line for us. That is, we all have boundaries that denote our level of tolerance and there are some behaviors that push us too far and we know longer keep our feelings inside. Sometimes, it is a repeated behaviour  that we have been internally processing and putting up with for a period of time (and then one day we no longer accept it). Whatever that point is- when we externalize our reaction to being pushed - is when the other person is now engaged and gets on his/her own merry go round. That`s what I refer to as the dispute.

 

Chapter 3:

Demonstration:

I don`t have any precedent tapes of a demonstration that I show the client about how coaching works. Rather, I find it`s very useful for the client to have his or her own experience of what it`s like. What Tammy describes is what I do as well.

 

Being mutually suited:

With respect to the question about being mutually suited for each other in the coach-ciient relationship, this topic is typically part of the inquiry and intake conversation, and I don`t make it a separate term of the Agreement per se.   I  stress the importance of building a trusting relationship during the initial discussions and ask the client if it`s okay with him or her that we share any concerns as they arise. I have not had a client say no to this and I have had clients raise matters that come up for them. This type of dialogue models  openess and flexibility and serves to co-create and build a partnership.

 

Advice giving:

It`s rare in my practice that clients insist on me giving advice or training. On the occasions when people do ask for my advice I take the same approach that Tammy does and it works effectively.

You asked in this regard, how to hold back from giving advice. This is one area that distinguishes coaching  from consulting, mentoring, advising. To start with, my coach training taught me a lot about the importance of self determination in this forum and the value of empowering people to help themselves. When I was then doing research in the development of my coaching model, the repeated experience of the study group members was that their most memorable insights and durable changes came from them figuring things out for themselves.

Learning how to ask possibility questions and honouring adult learning principles are integral to accomplishing this. This is consistent with the philosophy of the International Coach Federation which refers to clients as creative, resourceful and whole. When coaches let clients know that we trust they have the answers-  in whatever way we do that- the clients find the answers that work for them and their contexts.

Timing and duration of coaching:

With respect to your question about the timing of sessions and duration of coaching, this does indeed vary from client to client. I mentioned that in the research, the majority of study group members said that 50-60 minutes was the maximum amount of time they could concentrate. Sometimes sessions may be less than 50 minutes but generally, I schedule an hour for each session.

As for duration - in addition to intake time of approxiamtely one hour  -  I am typically retained for at least 8 sessions for dispute specific matters. In my experience, the minimum time it takes a client to go through the model and be prepared to follow through on one goal is approximately 6 hours. However, I have coached clients who are able to proceed in less time and others who require more time.  When clients are working on shifting conflict conduct and a series of disputes related to the behaviours, I may be retained for up ot 6 months. I do want to add that in some cases, budgetary constraints limit the duration of coaching.

 

In the examples from the book  I do not recollect the exact duration of those  Andre,  but  I  would guestimate an average of 8 sessions each in addition to intake.

Thank you for such great questions Andre and let us know if there is anything else you may want to ask.

Cinnie and I have no opened a new discussion thread for Week 3. We hope you'll join us there for continued conversation:

Week 3 Book Discussion

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