The following description of the words “woulda coulda shoulda” sometimes applies to the experience of being in conflict: “For many people, there is a clear distinction between what actually happened and what they wished would have happened in a given situation. Sometimes, people realize a number of options they could have or should have taken instead of the action they actually took. This…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on January 23, 2014 at 7:00am — No Comments
Originally Posted on Mediation Works http://goo.gl/sokylX
Is there a right time to enlist help of a mediator? Is there are wrong time?
Like any complicated matter, a conflict is unique in terms of its particular subject, the parties’ motivations, and the overall context. So, decisions regarding how and when to attempt to resolve any…Continue
Added by mchallamlaw on January 16, 2014 at 9:02am — No Comments
When a conflict is over and we are experiencing ongoing thoughts about what we wished we had said or done, it is a good time to figure out what we learned that will help us going forward. Making an action plan is one way of precluding continual wishing to do things differently - after our conflicts are over. Rather, we become intentional about what we want to work on in order to be proactive and prevent unnecessary conflict, and to not agonize in the aftermath of our interpersonal…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on January 16, 2014 at 7:00am — No Comments
Ken Cloke is renowned for his decades of work, passion and dedication to bring peacemaking tools to wherever he believes he can be of service whether it is in the U.S. or around the world. In this episode, The Language of Conflict, Ken will share his personal…Continue
Added by Patricia M Porter on January 14, 2014 at 9:48pm — No Comments
When it comes to problem-solving during a conflict we seem to use different styles depending on a number of variables. These may include who the conflict is with, the nature of the issues, and whether the relationship or outcome are more important to us. Other factors may be the degree of acrimony and the intensity of the interaction. Depending on these and other variables, we may respond by avoiding, accommodating the other person’s needs, compromising, fighting to win, cooperating, or…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on January 9, 2014 at 7:00am — No Comments
(Originally posted in Dialogic Mediation Services)
It's important in the mediation process, irrespective of the model, for the mediator to explain how she works in an opening statement. There are two reasons for this: participants have a right to know what to expect from the mediator and how the process will unfold; and, participants have a right to make an informed decision on whether the process will be helpful to…Continue
Added by Arnold Zeman on January 7, 2014 at 1:30pm — No Comments
In previous ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blogs I have discussed somatic symptoms of conflict. Today’s post is about what we experience internally that we may or may not show externally. That is, there are ways we are aware of - that others do not necessarily observe - about things going on for us in our body, heart, and brain. Some signs, of course, are evident and will be considered in this discussion.
Experiencing our conflict – the subject of this week’s blog - relates also to what…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on December 19, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
In the aftermath of interpersonal conflicts some of us bounce back quicker than others. There are lots of reasons for this. For instance, as discussed in previous blogs, we may have unresolved issues and emotions that continue to haunt us. Other variables that influence our resilience are how we manage stress, how we process our feelings, our general pessimistic versus optimistic approaches to life, the degree of lingering hurt and other emotions due to the dispute, and so on. Some other…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on December 12, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
In the field of Alternative Dispute Resolution, mediators, among other things, help people in dispute come to a mutually acceptable resolution about issues they do not agree on. Each party typically holds a disparate perspective from the other on what constitutes an appropriate settlement. By the time they get to talk it out in the mediation process to see if they can resolve matters, they have often become entrenched in their positions and the relationship is suffering.
Added by Cinnie Noble on December 5, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
The meaning of “digging in our heels” according to one source is stubbornly resisting something or refusing to change, i.e. an opinion. The same source states that the origin is “probably related to the fact that if a person or an animal resists being pulled forward, the body will lean backwards and the heels will dig into the ground as the legs resist the forward motion.”
When we hold…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on November 28, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
By now you will know I like metaphors and idioms as ways of providing a creative context to consider conflicts and their impact. There is something fun and interesting about doing so. What else I find is that looking at conflict with a different lens also helps my coaching clients (and me when I am in conflict) to gain distance from the emotions and the event.
The topic today – about the metaphor to ruffle someone’s feathers - conjures up an image I smile about. I find I can easily…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on November 21, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
Dealing with the normal stress of the holidays can be enough to handle. Then add those annoyances and disruptions you have to deal with in your neighborhood…loud holiday parties, cars blocking roads and your driveway, those bright holiday lights and decorations. All…Continue
Added by Patricia M Porter on November 19, 2013 at 10:13pm — No Comments
Getting off on the wrong foot refers to those situations that sometimes happen during first encounters with others. This may be at the beginning of a relationship, project, discussion, or any other interaction, when we find ourselves off to an unproductive or uncomfortable start. Something may have happened in our interactions to create these experiences or we pick up something that is off-putting. Someone else may have gossiped to us about the person and their negative views stuck with us.…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on November 14, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
For many of us when a conflict is ostensibly over there are residual feelings and emotions. I have referred to these in previous blogs as the remnants from past conflicts that shroud future conflicts when our feelings and/or the issues in dispute have not been resolved. This post further explores the act of ‘letting go’ of the remnants of conflict.
All sorts of circumstances affect whether and how and how fast we move past our conflicts. Certain people, certain sorts of disputes,…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on November 7, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
It often seems that phrases like, “settle down”, “just calm yourself”, “you don’t need to get upset”, etc. lead to increased defensiveness and other negative reactions, rather than less, as the speaker likely hoped. Hushing hand gestures result in the same sort of negative response. That is, comments or gestures of this nature are usually experienced as dismissive and undermining. Those on the receiving end generally resent that their views and feelings are being quieted, put down, or…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on October 31, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
Whether you are at the water cooler, in the hallway or stuck in a never- ending meeting, we all have to deal with co-workers from hell. Join Pattie Porter and Stephen Kotev to learn lessons from conflict coaching experts on how to…Continue
Added by Patricia M Porter on October 29, 2013 at 11:12pm — No Comments
After a conflict, some of us experience a sense of guilt. We may realize we contributed to the discord by saying or doing something that we know offended the other person. We may have been insulting. We may have not told the truth. We may have retaliated, gossiped, or acted in our self-interest – to the other person’s detriment. These and other actions may haunt us after the conflict and lead to continuing self-blame.
According to …Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on October 24, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
Do you remember the expression “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me”? If so, you may also recall, as I do, that it was (and may still be) a stock response to verbal bullying in grade school playgrounds. The meaning is evident and is simply described by one resource as follows: “A response to an insult, implying that ‘You might be able to hurt me by physical…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on October 17, 2013 at 7:00pm — No Comments
Trust is a key element of our personal and professional relationships. Without it progress grinds to a halt and disagreements become rampant amongst friends, coworkers, and leadership. No matter if you are the newest hire or the CEO; you need to understand what trust is and how it…Continue
Added by Patricia M Porter on October 15, 2013 at 10:35pm — No Comments
The expression on today’s blog - speaking your mind - means saying exactly what we think regardless of whether or not others will agree. The idea of doing so comes with boundaries for some of us, and we may not say exactly what is on our mind whether or not others will agree. That may be only one reason. Other reasons have to do with a fear of conflict and associated challenges discussed in a…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on October 10, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments