By now you will know I like metaphors and idioms as ways of providing a creative context to consider conflicts and their impact. There is something fun and interesting about doing so. What else I find is that looking at conflict with a different lens also helps my coaching clients (and me when I am in conflict) to gain distance from the emotions and the event.
The topic today – about the metaphor to ruffle someone’s feathers - conjures up an image I smile about. I find I can easily…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on November 21, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
Dealing with the normal stress of the holidays can be enough to handle. Then add those annoyances and disruptions you have to deal with in your neighborhood…loud holiday parties, cars blocking roads and your driveway, those bright holiday lights and decorations. All…Continue
Added by Patricia M Porter on November 19, 2013 at 10:13pm — No Comments
Getting off on the wrong foot refers to those situations that sometimes happen during first encounters with others. This may be at the beginning of a relationship, project, discussion, or any other interaction, when we find ourselves off to an unproductive or uncomfortable start. Something may have happened in our interactions to create these experiences or we pick up something that is off-putting. Someone else may have gossiped to us about the person and their negative views stuck with us.…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on November 14, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
For many of us when a conflict is ostensibly over there are residual feelings and emotions. I have referred to these in previous blogs as the remnants from past conflicts that shroud future conflicts when our feelings and/or the issues in dispute have not been resolved. This post further explores the act of ‘letting go’ of the remnants of conflict.
All sorts of circumstances affect whether and how and how fast we move past our conflicts. Certain people, certain sorts of disputes,…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on November 7, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
It often seems that phrases like, “settle down”, “just calm yourself”, “you don’t need to get upset”, etc. lead to increased defensiveness and other negative reactions, rather than less, as the speaker likely hoped. Hushing hand gestures result in the same sort of negative response. That is, comments or gestures of this nature are usually experienced as dismissive and undermining. Those on the receiving end generally resent that their views and feelings are being quieted, put down, or…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on October 31, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
Whether you are at the water cooler, in the hallway or stuck in a never- ending meeting, we all have to deal with co-workers from hell. Join Pattie Porter and Stephen Kotev to learn lessons from conflict coaching experts on how to…Continue
Added by Patricia M Porter on October 29, 2013 at 11:12pm — No Comments
After a conflict, some of us experience a sense of guilt. We may realize we contributed to the discord by saying or doing something that we know offended the other person. We may have been insulting. We may have not told the truth. We may have retaliated, gossiped, or acted in our self-interest – to the other person’s detriment. These and other actions may haunt us after the conflict and lead to continuing self-blame.
According to …Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on October 24, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
Do you remember the expression “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me”? If so, you may also recall, as I do, that it was (and may still be) a stock response to verbal bullying in grade school playgrounds. The meaning is evident and is simply described by one resource as follows: “A response to an insult, implying that ‘You might be able to hurt me by physical…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on October 17, 2013 at 7:00pm — No Comments
Trust is a key element of our personal and professional relationships. Without it progress grinds to a halt and disagreements become rampant amongst friends, coworkers, and leadership. No matter if you are the newest hire or the CEO; you need to understand what trust is and how it…Continue
Added by Patricia M Porter on October 15, 2013 at 10:35pm — No Comments
The expression on today’s blog - speaking your mind - means saying exactly what we think regardless of whether or not others will agree. The idea of doing so comes with boundaries for some of us, and we may not say exactly what is on our mind whether or not others will agree. That may be only one reason. Other reasons have to do with a fear of conflict and associated challenges discussed in a…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on October 10, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
I always smile when I hear the expression titled in this week’s blog. It is meaty with metaphor and meaning. I first learned it many years ago. It was during a conflict that a friend was describing and wondering what to do about it. Another of our friends said, “Whatever you do, don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.” I got what it meant within the context of what was being shared and the friend in conflict conducted himself accordingly. I have used this expression many times since –…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on October 1, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
When we are competitive, like in interpersonal conflict, we tend to be positional and it is evident we are determined to be the winner. This essentially describes the need to be dominant and fits into today’s blog topic – about getting the upper hand.
There are various suggested origins of this expression. Prominent amongst those is that the phrase originated in American playgrounds, in the way…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on September 26, 2013 at 7:00am — No Comments
It’s not likely that burying our heads in the sand when in conflict helps to solve matters, mend the relationship, or clarify assumptions and perceptions. Sometimes though it may be the best tact.
The expression “bury your head in the sand” apparently comes from the supposed habit of ostriches hiding their heads when faced with an attack by predators. The story was first recorded by the Roman writer Pliny the…Continue
Waging Peace: A Post-Conflict Forgiveness and Reconciliation Model for Religious Conflicts
Guest writer Dr. Darrell Puls is presenting at the 2013 ACR Annual…Continue
Added by Werner Institute Blog on September 16, 2013 at 8:30am — No Comments
It is likely that most of us are able to specifically refer to some things that ‘put our backs up’ – an expression that describes the impact of being provoked by certain acts or deeds of another person.
The derivation is from the habit of cats arching their backs when threatened or annoyed. It is apparently a colloquial term that came into being in Britain in the 18th century.
If you have a cat you…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on September 12, 2013 at 8:00am — No Comments
Have you always wondered what the difference between arbitration and mediation is? Listen in as attorney, mediator and arbitrator, Daniel Preston Dozier, discusses the fact and fiction of arbitration. You’ll learn the pros and cons of arbitration and how mediation…Continue
Added by Patricia M Porter on September 10, 2013 at 10:14pm — No Comments
Among the fears that some of us have about interpersonal conflict is the loss of something important to us. It may be a fear we will lose what we are fighting for. It may be we fear losing the relationship. We may fear the loss of our position or status. Another loss some of us have when we are in conflict, or when we expect one may evolve, has to do with losing face and experiencing related emotions such as humiliation.
According to one …Continue
You’ve seen it before, and you’ll see it again:
• Someone digs in his heels and adamantly refuses to admit he’s wrong, even though the evidence is clearly against him.
• Someone devotes far more resources to trying to defeat someone than she can possibly recover, even if she wins.
• Someone gets into a heated disagreement with a relative or co-worker about how to address a…
Added by Patricia M Porter on September 3, 2013 at 9:42pm — No Comments
As you know, last week’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog was entitled “Apologizing” and specifically what constitutes an effective apology. This week’s blog asks more and different questions about making apologies. Doing so can be challenging for some of us – depending on the circumstance - as we do not always know if they will be received well and if the other person is ready and willing…Continue
Added by Cinnie Noble on August 29, 2013 at 9:00am — No Comments
Imagine a world in which important, top-level policy decisions, such as those regarding nuclear power, higher education or foreign relations were made on the basis of real discussion focused on real facts. In these conversations, hype would be washed away, moderate majorities would probably find more voice, and (hopefully) better decisions would be made – with less residual acrimony and polarization.
John Lennon’s “Imagine” material? I don’t think so.…Continue