We are not typically aware of our body language when we are in conflict. It is especially likely at these times in fact, that we lose touch with how we come across. We are generally not conscious of what we are doing, how our faces appear, or how our bodies are otherwise ‘talking’. We tend to lose perspective on the situation and how we may even be adversely contributing to the dissension. The only mirror in front of us is the other person, who often reflects and reacts to our language and vice versa.


The following questions will help to hold up a looking glass to yourself, to examine how your facial and body language may negatively contribute to your conflict interactions in ways that don’t become you or your quest for conflict mastery:

  • What are you conscious of that happens with your body and/or face that does not help you in your conflictual interactions?
  • What if anything, have others told you about how your body and/or face appear when you are in conflict that you are not aware of?
  • What do other people do with their faces and bodies that do not work for you when you are in conflict with them?
  • In what ways may you do these things yourself?
  • What do you think your face may have shown that was not productive in the last conflict interaction you were involved in?
  • What about your body language are aware of in that last interaction?
  • How about your tone of voice and attitude?
  • What were you feeling about the other person when you were in that last situation?
  • What messages do you think you conveyed through your facial and body language and your tone of voice and attitude in that situation?
  • What metaphor describes your body language when you are in conflict? What metaphor describes how you prefer to come across?


Please feel free to add other comments about this topic and other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions).

Originally posted in www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/

Views: 228

Comment by Jeff Thompson on April 2, 2012 at 4:19pm

As I know you are aware, nonverbal communication is the subject of my research.
I like your questions, especially as it gets people to reflect I what they do. This reflection not only gets a person to discern their nonverbal actions, but also 1) identify if they are congruent with their words and 2) if they are being interpreted the way they intended.
And metaphors- I love them! Our use of metaphors have a great impact on our actions.
Great post- thanks for sharing!
Comment by Cinnie Noble on April 2, 2012 at 4:55pm

Thank you so much Jeff and I am delighted that given your work in nonverbal communications you like the questions and use of metaphor. If you have suggestions for other questions to ask, please feel free to add to the list.


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