Utilizing ODR for Co-parenting Issues in Families with a History of Domestic Violence

While conflict is inevitable and inherent to the family, violence is an inadequate manifestation of tensions and conflicts that goes beyond the capacity of response of individuals, due to serious situations of psycho-emotional, socio-cultural or economic limitations. In this sense, violence is the extreme manifestation of the constraints to which families are subjected. What do we mean when we refer to domestic violence? Can family conflict be avoided? Which factors are involved? What do conflict operators have to take into account to deal with these cases? How can ODRs help? These are some of the questions we will discuss in this forum.

Please view this short video to add context to this discussion:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_wUfU4nSxg2NkkxaGZCWURuWm8/view?u...

Moderator Bio:

María Eugenia Solé

Attorney mediator. Holborn College Diploma in Law of Tort and Law of Contract. University degree in conflict resolution and mediation. Pre-trial mediator with registration granted by the Provincial Direction of Alternative Means of Conflict Resolution of the Province of Buenos Aires, Argentina. Aspirant to the Executive Latin American European Master in mediation and negotiation of IUKB-Institut Universitaire Kurt Bösch (Switzerland). Applicant to the postgraduate course on Education and TIC of the Ministry of Education of Argentina. Ambassador of ODR Latin America (2013).

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Welcome to the second day of the Cyberweek!

Hope you are enjoying already the activities proposed for this wonderful week!

I encourage you to answer the triggering questions of this forum so we can build altogether a constructive discussion on the issue. Get ready to have an interesting exchange!

Dear Participants,

 Q ? - What do conflict operators have to take into account to deal with these cases?

Care should often be taken to address immediate risk to, for example, those who have a stake in the conflict. This includes the children of the parties who are in dispute, other vulnerable persons and the parties themselves. Furthermore, working in conflict-based situations can have impact upon professionals including those who are involved in Online Dispute Resolution. Clarke and Devereux, 2008, p. 85) state, “The solicitor’s role includes [absorbing] the client’s stress, that is, taking on the technical aspects of the case and its attendant uncertainty”. In time, as images of violence, crime and distress unfold, participants may develop psychological trauma that is vicarious or one-step removed from them – experienced through the lives of those they professionally support. For example, researchers found that a contributing factor to vicarious traumatization is the helper being witness to detailed and vivid accounts from victims of trauma (Eidelson, D’Alessio & Eidelson, 2003, p. 149; Byrne-Armstrong, Higgs, & Horsfall, 2006, p. 168).

Miller (1998, pp. 137, 140) mentions that helping can place professionals at risk both emotionally and physically. Coholic and Blackford (2003, p. 44) mention that secondary trauma can contribute to a disease reservoir where practitioners become sensitive to “reports of violence”. Generally professionals need to be able to develop resiliency to adapt to traumatic and stressful work. According to Kottler (1992, p. 34) some individuals lack capacity to be nurturing towards others, in that as professionals they become blocked in their ability to be empathetic with parties who may remind them of their own unresolved issues. Iliffe and Steed (2000, p. 2) indicate that professionals who experience vicarious traumatisation may lack empathy to the extent of becoming judgmental and even arrogant. Beck (2004, p. 317) writes, “Empathy refers to the capacity to experience events in much the same way that another individual does, to put oneself in the other’s place”. At the best of times, professionals are certainly not immune from patterns of power and violence that permeate social structures and processes in societies. Online Dispute Resolution can be a tool to transform conflict. What do others think?

Yours sincerely,

Jen Geary, Dr., LLB, MDE.

 

I believe that utilizing ODR as a tool to solving co-parenting issues in families with Domestic Violence could be very effective. Situations involving Domestic Violence can be traumatizing for all parties involved, including the spouses, the children, extended family, friends, and even outside parties such as conflict operators. Through my own experiences, I have found that Domestic Violence can take a number of forms. Domestic Violence does not have to just be physical in nature, but can also include verbal, emotional, and economical forms of abuse as well. Domestic Violence can be present in all types of family relationships. I find that people often associate Domestic Violence as strictly meaning violence between a couple in a romantic relationship, however this is not always the case. Victims of Domestic Violence can be male, female, a spouse, a child, a boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. While I was attending my undergraduate university, I was given the opportunity to take a course entitled Victimology. This course centered primarily around victims of Domestic Violence. A primary focus of this course was the cycle of abuse that is often present in relationships that involve Domestic Violence. This cycle often begins with a violent incident, and after the incident there is a period of reconciliation, which often gets repeated numerous times. This cycle can make it very hard for victims of Domestic Violence to leave their relationships. 

If and when a victim of Domestic violence ends/leaves the abusive relationship, there are a number of hurdles that a person must go through, especially if there are children involved. Co-parenting can be a serious problem for victims of Domestic Violence, and I believe that ODR has great potential to help these individuals out through these tough situations. I believe that Conflict Operators need to take into account the sensitivity of these types of problems not only on behalf of the individuals they are helping, but also for themselves. Domestic Violence situations are not only hard on the parties that are directly associated, but can be difficult for those who are indirectly associated. I believe that conflict operators must take into account their own vulnerabilities and personal emotions while handling these cases. These professionals, such as conflict operators are at a great risk for secondary trauma after hearing stories of abuse, which may result in a professional being personally effected by the emotional impact of these stories.  I think a great way for professionals to handle this type of work related stress is for them to take care of themselves, emotionally and physically. This can be done by exercising regularly, making time for relaxation, spending down time with friends and family, and seeking support from fellow employees, or family members. 

ODR's can be of great use in this area because the parties involved do not necessarily have to be face to face to solve these co-parenting issues. The problems being disputed can be addressed entirely online, where both parties can address their own concerns privately. I believe that a huge advantage of ODR is the number of options parties have in choosing different online mediation alternatives such as email, instant messenger services, Skype or FaceTime. Parties can choose which method of mediation/communication makes them the most comfortable, which can hopefully end in a result both parties are satisfied with. 

Dear Participants

Whitney Lindstedt - I was interested in reading your posting. Particular aspects resonated for me, for example, those linked to the often multi-faceted aspects of domestic violence and secondary trauma. Domestic violence may include rape, partner battering, sexual harassment and pornography. Domestic violence may be associated with physical, sexual, spiritual, psychological, social and economic harm and intimidation inflicted often by an aggressive individual on a victim. Both men and women can be victims of domestic violence.

In my thesis work I had an opportunity to speak with Joanne. She identified as being a professional in the justice system. Joanne stated that most of her clients have been shaped by a “…generational cycle of domestic violence that may scan four to five generations. Substance abuse is the major contributing factor and [P] pure metamphetamine is rising as the most common substance of abuse”. Joanne can find it challenging at the prison because of negative dialogue about clients. Joanne explained that staff might blame women victims because they perceive that victims allow the violence to continue by remaining in abusive relationships. She stated, “Interestingly enough, this is a view held by both male and female custodial staff, but the female staff are generally more outspoken and less sympathetic”. Joanne stated:

I've seen it myself even with the custodial staff in the prison that some of them have developed vicarious traumatisation without even knowing what it is... I was just thinking about an incident that happened a while ago where there was an officer who had dealt with quite a traumatic happening and had never got any support or help with it and it was an incident that happened in the visiting end scenario that was not handled well by this particular officer.

Care needs to be taken in Online Dispute Resolution to evaluate multi-factorial issues that could have a bearing upon the Resolution. It can be important to consider the respective positions of all parties. Practitioners in the helping professions are regularly required to have empathy with clients and this can affect their health and welfare. James and Gilliland (2001, pp. 439, 461, 619-620) and Stamm (1999a, p. xxiii; and 1999b, p. xxxvi) refer to the origins of Vicarious Traumatization in the experiences of professionals who are exposed to repeated indirect trauma in work-related environments, especially those involving distressed clients and the related emotional labour. In one or more Online Dispute Resolution sessions we might be just touching “the tip of the iceberg”!

Yours sincerely,

Jen Geary, Dr., LLB, MDE.

 

 

I see the potential of using ODR in cases of domestic abuse to be very promising.  The use of ODR overcomes one of the major weaknesses of traditional mediation practices in cases of domestic abuse, by allowing there to be a larger degree of separation for the victim of a domestic abuse from the aggressor in a domestic abuse.  This is important because the aggressor may have a large degree of power over the victim’s emotions and actions through intimidation and manipulation.  In a traditional mediation even with an experienced mediator it is not impossible to imagine the aggressor exercising this power over the victim just by being physically present.  This imbalance of power raises serious ethical questions of the effectiveness of traditional mediation in cases where domestic violence has occurred.  This is unfortunate because should the two parties involved in a case where domestic violence has occurred  have children and wish to work out a parenting agreement through mediation it would be unfortunate to deprive both of the parties of this opportunity.  ODR provides an alternative to traditional mediation by allowing the victim to be physically separated from their aggressor, engage in the mediation from a place that they find comforting making it less likely that the aggressor in a domestic abuse will be able to use intimidation and manipulation to disempower the victim.   Also like traditional mediation the mediator can use their professional judgment to determine how much face to face contact, though programs like skype, the two parties should have, if any at all, or if the mediation should be conducted privately with each party not having direct contact.

It does seem difficult to assess that even with the benefits that ODR brings to disputes involving domestic violence if and when it is appropriate for the victim to engage in online mediation with their aggressor.  Some cases involving domestic abuse can go on for years, causing significant emotional, psychological, and physical pain for the victim.  This can lead the victim to feel severely disempowered.  Even with the benefits that ODR possess in addressing cases of domestic violence.  I can see the possibility of this process still being harmful for the victim if it is not handled with great care.  With that being said if it is handled correctly with great care I could see ODR being useful for the recovery of the victim, by allowing them to engage in an online mediation process that they would otherwise not be able to have access to.  This could be an empowering experience because it allows them to express their interests in a safe environment and have significant representation in the process of forming a parenting agreement.

Thank you to Maria Eugenia Sole for helping us have such an interesting topic for discussion.            

Conflict Operators have to take into account family history to deal with these cases. Domestic violence often occurs from one generation to the next. Growing up, children learn a lot from their environment. If a child witnesses one parent hitting another parent or if a child gets physically abused by a parent, the child may think violence is acceptable behavior. Children who witness domestic violence live with the violence on a day to day basis. The child may not know violence is not okay or is abnormal behavior. This leads to the child growing up and having relationships, getting married, having children, etc. and potentially using violence to solve problems in the relationships they form. 

As a child, I experienced domestic violence. My father was abusive towards my mother, my sisters, and myself. My Father's Father was abusive towards my Father when he was a child. As a result, my Father deemed domestic violence as acceptable. It wasn't until I was put in foster care in fifth grade that I realized domestic violence is not okay. I thought domestic violence occurred in all homes and was normal. I had no idea my friends lived completely different  family lives. Fortunately for me, going into foster care woke me up to the reality of domestic violence. I made the choice not to follow in my Father's footsteps and break the generational occurrence of domestic violence. 

ODR would be a great tool to address and possibly solve domestic violence issues. Based on my own experience, having the abuser and the victim in the same room causes complications. The abuser does't like being told they were wrong in their actions and may get angered seeing the victim talk about the abuse in front of them. A victim may also be hesitate to talk about the abuse in front of the abuser because they are afraid more abuse will result. This is how ODR would make resolving the issue easier. Allowing the victim the protection of communicating over email or a video chat would make the victim more comfortable because the victim would have a shield from the abuser. 

Dear Contributors,

Jami Preister - I found your personal narrative to be most interesting. You mentioned,  "If a child witnesses one parent hitting another parent or if a child gets physically abused by a parent, the child may think violence is acceptable behavior." A cycle of violence can be cross-generational. Part of the reason for this could relate to the social environment. According to Reber (1985, p. 736) stress is linked to individuals experiencing “...physical, psychological and social forces and pressures”. The impact of stress is often biological and affective and this has an influence upon human society (Williams & Poijula, 2002, p. 7).  Under, for example, stress a child might learn to lash out against others. This kind of behaviour can become an intergenerational coping mechanism. There may be an "intergenerational transmission" of such behaviours as Rovner (2014) suggests. These are the kinds of underlying and intergenerational issues the recognition of which can inform practices in such areas as Online Dispute Resolution.

 

Yours sincerely,

Jen Geary, Dr., LLB, MDE.

Thanks Dr. Geary for your contribution. I took the license to quote you in the videoconference I held yesterday in the Spanish chapter of the Cyberweek. I do agree that professionals involved in this kind of issues should be supported by programs of the sort of what we call here in Argentina "Caring for the caretakers".

Many thanks again for your clear concepts about the topic.

Yours sincerely

María Eugenia Solé

Dr. Geary said:

Dear Participants,

 Q ? - What do conflict operators have to take into account to deal with these cases?

Care should often be taken to address immediate risk to, for example, those who have a stake in the conflict. This includes the children of the parties who are in dispute, other vulnerable persons and the parties themselves. Furthermore, working in conflict-based situations can have impact upon professionals including those who are involved in Online Dispute Resolution. Clarke and Devereux, 2008, p. 85) state, “The solicitor’s role includes [absorbing] the client’s stress, that is, taking on the technical aspects of the case and its attendant uncertainty”. In time, as images of violence, crime and distress unfold, participants may develop psychological trauma that is vicarious or one-step removed from them – experienced through the lives of those they professionally support. For example, researchers found that a contributing factor to vicarious traumatization is the helper being witness to detailed and vivid accounts from victims of trauma (Eidelson, D’Alessio & Eidelson, 2003, p. 149; Byrne-Armstrong, Higgs, & Horsfall, 2006, p. 168).

Miller (1998, pp. 137, 140) mentions that helping can place professionals at risk both emotionally and physically. Coholic and Blackford (2003, p. 44) mention that secondary trauma can contribute to a disease reservoir where practitioners become sensitive to “reports of violence”. Generally professionals need to be able to develop resiliency to adapt to traumatic and stressful work. According to Kottler (1992, p. 34) some individuals lack capacity to be nurturing towards others, in that as professionals they become blocked in their ability to be empathetic with parties who may remind them of their own unresolved issues. Iliffe and Steed (2000, p. 2) indicate that professionals who experience vicarious traumatisation may lack empathy to the extent of becoming judgmental and even arrogant. Beck (2004, p. 317) writes, “Empathy refers to the capacity to experience events in much the same way that another individual does, to put oneself in the other’s place”. At the best of times, professionals are certainly not immune from patterns of power and violence that permeate social structures and processes in societies. Online Dispute Resolution can be a tool to transform conflict. What do others think?

Yours sincerely,

Jen Geary, Dr., LLB, MDE.

 

Good morning Whitney.

Many thanks for your contribution in this forum. I do agree that conflict operators should take into account not only the parties present in the mediation procedures but also the rest of the members of the family.

I also agree with the focus you give to personal vulnerabilites and own beliefs and emotions of conflict operators dealing with these cases. Yesterday I held a videoconference in the Spanish chapter of the Cyberweek about Family violence and ODR and one of the issues I brought to discussion was this one.

Hope to have you in our next exchanges, sincerely

María Eugenia Solé



Whitney Lindstedt said:

I believe that utilizing ODR as a tool to solving co-parenting issues in families with Domestic Violence could be very effective. Situations involving Domestic Violence can be traumatizing for all parties involved, including the spouses, the children, extended family, friends, and even outside parties such as conflict operators. Through my own experiences, I have found that Domestic Violence can take a number of forms. Domestic Violence does not have to just be physical in nature, but can also include verbal, emotional, and economical forms of abuse as well. Domestic Violence can be present in all types of family relationships. I find that people often associate Domestic Violence as strictly meaning violence between a couple in a romantic relationship, however this is not always the case. Victims of Domestic Violence can be male, female, a spouse, a child, a boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. While I was attending my undergraduate university, I was given the opportunity to take a course entitled Victimology. This course centered primarily around victims of Domestic Violence. A primary focus of this course was the cycle of abuse that is often present in relationships that involve Domestic Violence. This cycle often begins with a violent incident, and after the incident there is a period of reconciliation, which often gets repeated numerous times. This cycle can make it very hard for victims of Domestic Violence to leave their relationships. 

If and when a victim of Domestic violence ends/leaves the abusive relationship, there are a number of hurdles that a person must go through, especially if there are children involved. Co-parenting can be a serious problem for victims of Domestic Violence, and I believe that ODR has great potential to help these individuals out through these tough situations. I believe that Conflict Operators need to take into account the sensitivity of these types of problems not only on behalf of the individuals they are helping, but also for themselves. Domestic Violence situations are not only hard on the parties that are directly associated, but can be difficult for those who are indirectly associated. I believe that conflict operators must take into account their own vulnerabilities and personal emotions while handling these cases. These professionals, such as conflict operators are at a great risk for secondary trauma after hearing stories of abuse, which may result in a professional being personally effected by the emotional impact of these stories.  I think a great way for professionals to handle this type of work related stress is for them to take care of themselves, emotionally and physically. This can be done by exercising regularly, making time for relaxation, spending down time with friends and family, and seeking support from fellow employees, or family members. 

ODR's can be of great use in this area because the parties involved do not necessarily have to be face to face to solve these co-parenting issues. The problems being disputed can be addressed entirely online, where both parties can address their own concerns privately. I believe that a huge advantage of ODR is the number of options parties have in choosing different online mediation alternatives such as email, instant messenger services, Skype or FaceTime. Parties can choose which method of mediation/communication makes them the most comfortable, which can hopefully end in a result both parties are satisfied with. 


Dear Konner,

I am very glad we share the same vision about bringing ODRs into the field of family violence conflicts. I am deeply convinced that they are the next step to be taken to move forward an appropriate way to collaborate with people who suffer this kind of situations.

Furthermore, I think that is a suitable tool to avoid face to face mediation when this sort of procedures are forbidden by local laws (as actually in Argentina).

Some legislation assumes that mediation and conflict resolution methods in general involve the presence of the parties in the same physical space, but I believe it is time to try to change this assumptions going further through the use of technology.

Many thanks for your contribution to this forum.

Regards.

María Eugenia Solé


Konner Pemberton said:

I see the potential of using ODR in cases of domestic abuse to be very promising.  The use of ODR overcomes one of the major weaknesses of traditional mediation practices in cases of domestic abuse, by allowing there to be a larger degree of separation for the victim of a domestic abuse from the aggressor in a domestic abuse.  This is important because the aggressor may have a large degree of power over the victim’s emotions and actions through intimidation and manipulation.  In a traditional mediation even with an experienced mediator it is not impossible to imagine the aggressor exercising this power over the victim just by being physically present.  This imbalance of power raises serious ethical questions of the effectiveness of traditional mediation in cases where domestic violence has occurred.  This is unfortunate because should the two parties involved in a case where domestic violence has occurred  have children and wish to work out a parenting agreement through mediation it would be unfortunate to deprive both of the parties of this opportunity.  ODR provides an alternative to traditional mediation by allowing the victim to be physically separated from their aggressor, engage in the mediation from a place that they find comforting making it less likely that the aggressor in a domestic abuse will be able to use intimidation and manipulation to disempower the victim.   Also like traditional mediation the mediator can use their professional judgment to determine how much face to face contact, though programs like skype, the two parties should have, if any at all, or if the mediation should be conducted privately with each party not having direct contact.

It does seem difficult to assess that even with the benefits that ODR brings to disputes involving domestic violence if and when it is appropriate for the victim to engage in online mediation with their aggressor.  Some cases involving domestic abuse can go on for years, causing significant emotional, psychological, and physical pain for the victim.  This can lead the victim to feel severely disempowered.  Even with the benefits that ODR possess in addressing cases of domestic violence.  I can see the possibility of this process still being harmful for the victim if it is not handled with great care.  With that being said if it is handled correctly with great care I could see ODR being useful for the recovery of the victim, by allowing them to engage in an online mediation process that they would otherwise not be able to have access to.  This could be an empowering experience because it allows them to express their interests in a safe environment and have significant representation in the process of forming a parenting agreement.

Thank you to Maria Eugenia Sole for helping us have such an interesting topic for discussion.            

Dear Jami,

I deeply appreciate you shared with us your personal life experience on the issue. If you allow me, I would like to use your contribution (in the academic field of course) as an example to be followed to change the circle of violence. I do believe that this circle can be broken to project a new vision of the future in the parties involved.

Hope you give me your feedback about this petition.

María Eugenia Solé



Jami Preister said:

Conflict Operators have to take into account family history to deal with these cases. Domestic violence often occurs from one generation to the next. Growing up, children learn a lot from their environment. If a child witnesses one parent hitting another parent or if a child gets physically abused by a parent, the child may think violence is acceptable behavior. Children who witness domestic violence live with the violence on a day to day basis. The child may not know violence is not okay or is abnormal behavior. This leads to the child growing up and having relationships, getting married, having children, etc. and potentially using violence to solve problems in the relationships they form. 

As a child, I experienced domestic violence. My father was abusive towards my mother, my sisters, and myself. My Father's Father was abusive towards my Father when he was a child. As a result, my Father deemed domestic violence as acceptable. It wasn't until I was put in foster care in fifth grade that I realized domestic violence is not okay. I thought domestic violence occurred in all homes and was normal. I had no idea my friends lived completely different  family lives. Fortunately for me, going into foster care woke me up to the reality of domestic violence. I made the choice not to follow in my Father's footsteps and break the generational occurrence of domestic violence. 

ODR would be a great tool to address and possibly solve domestic violence issues. Based on my own experience, having the abuser and the victim in the same room causes complications. The abuser does't like being told they were wrong in their actions and may get angered seeing the victim talk about the abuse in front of them. A victim may also be hesitate to talk about the abuse in front of the abuser because they are afraid more abuse will result. This is how ODR would make resolving the issue easier. Allowing the victim the protection of communicating over email or a video chat would make the victim more comfortable because the victim would have a shield from the abuser. 

Dear Contributors,

Maria Eugenia Sole - I am pleased if I was able to assist by, for example, having mentioned multifactorial aspects of violence. This includes the impact that violence may have on professionals who address this at work. Employees including professionals who work with the Federal government are offered an Employee Assistance Program through Health Canada. Please see http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/ewh-semt/occup-travail/empl/eap-pae-eng.php for more information. One strategy to address vicarious traumatization could be to develop such programs.

Kind Regards,

Jen Geary, Dr., LLB., MDE. 

 

 


María Eugenia Solé said:

Thanks Dr. Geary for your contribution. I took the license to quote you in the videoconference I held yesterday in the Spanish chapter of the Cyberweek. I do agree that professionals involved in this kind of issues should be supported by programs of the sort of what we call here in Argentina "Caring for the caretakers".

Many thanks again for your clear concepts about the topic.

Yours sincerely

María Eugenia Solé

Dr. Geary said:

Dear Participants,

 Q ? - What do conflict operators have to take into account to deal with these cases?

Care should often be taken to address immediate risk to, for example, those who have a stake in the conflict. This includes the children of the parties who are in dispute, other vulnerable persons and the parties themselves. Furthermore, working in conflict-based situations can have impact upon professionals including those who are involved in Online Dispute Resolution. Clarke and Devereux, 2008, p. 85) state, “The solicitor’s role includes [absorbing] the client’s stress, that is, taking on the technical aspects of the case and its attendant uncertainty”. In time, as images of violence, crime and distress unfold, participants may develop psychological trauma that is vicarious or one-step removed from them – experienced through the lives of those they professionally support. For example, researchers found that a contributing factor to vicarious traumatization is the helper being witness to detailed and vivid accounts from victims of trauma (Eidelson, D’Alessio & Eidelson, 2003, p. 149; Byrne-Armstrong, Higgs, & Horsfall, 2006, p. 168).

Miller (1998, pp. 137, 140) mentions that helping can place professionals at risk both emotionally and physically. Coholic and Blackford (2003, p. 44) mention that secondary trauma can contribute to a disease reservoir where practitioners become sensitive to “reports of violence”. Generally professionals need to be able to develop resiliency to adapt to traumatic and stressful work. According to Kottler (1992, p. 34) some individuals lack capacity to be nurturing towards others, in that as professionals they become blocked in their ability to be empathetic with parties who may remind them of their own unresolved issues. Iliffe and Steed (2000, p. 2) indicate that professionals who experience vicarious traumatisation may lack empathy to the extent of becoming judgmental and even arrogant. Beck (2004, p. 317) writes, “Empathy refers to the capacity to experience events in much the same way that another individual does, to put oneself in the other’s place”. At the best of times, professionals are certainly not immune from patterns of power and violence that permeate social structures and processes in societies. Online Dispute Resolution can be a tool to transform conflict. What do others think?

Yours sincerely,

Jen Geary, Dr., LLB, MDE.

 

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