As a mediation trainer for fifteen years, I must have had these words come out of my mouth thousands of times: Don’t try to fix it for them. As anyone that trains mediators knows, problem solving is such a hard habit to break when you are first starting out. You listen intently to what the parties have to say and the predicament that they find themselves in and when you…

I have spent most of my adult life working with people that are in a crisis of some kind. They find their way to me to resolve conflict, internal or external. And in all that time of working with people in this way, I have found that there is one thing that is more toxic to the system than anything else: keeping secrets.

I think often of this time, years ago, when I was invited to a Dim Sum brunch by my brother-in-law with his Chinese guru. In attendance were several other students of…

Recently, I was mediating a case (marital mediation – kind of like couple’s therapy but more concrete and faster). The issue seemed to begin with an over-indulgence in porn. Many people don’t realize, but when you have an orgasm, your brain dumps chemicals into your system making you attach to the object of your sexual encounter. Could be an actual person, or it could be that anonymous stranger sex depicted with a video camera – two dimensionally.

So now, what turns you on is Girls…

Two weekends ago, I attended a two day workshop entitled "Relationship Bootcamp". In case anyone was wondering what mediators do for fun on the weekends, now you know! This intensive retreat taught relational living as the ultimate goal for all human beings. That we seek connection as a fundamental aspect of our nature. We all want intimacy, but not many of us come by it very easily.…

Last week, after listening to a shaman client tell me about the deep pain of her life, she said, “Your friends must be so lucky to have someone like you to listen to them.” Actually, I wish it worked out that way. Having a friend that listens for a living doesn’t always equate to having a lot of left over energy for listening to friends. My poor friends, I love you! When…