Do you want to be a driver or a passenger?

(Originally posted at Absolution Mediation)
I drive everyday.  I love it.  I drive to work, friends house’s, long trips, you name it, I drive there.  So whenever I become a passenger in a vehicle, I feel a little strange.  It’s like someone else is controlling my fate, and taking me towards my destiny.

Dramatic?

Probably.  This is one of the things that I love about mediation.  Mediation puts YOU in the driver’s seat.  Let me give you two examples:
  1. You love your kids, but fell out of love with your spouse, so you got a lawyer and went to court.  There are all these negotiations happening around you and you’re not sure what is going on.  Then you hear the judge’s voice, “This is what you are going to do….” As he proceeds to tell you about how you are going to spend time with your kids and how much money you owe your now ex-spouse.
  2. You love your kids, but fell out of love with your spouse.  So you both agree that you want what’s best for the kids so you agree to go to a mediator.  You meet with the mediator and discuss how your kids would like to spend time with you and how you would like to support each other.
Do you see the difference in these two examples?  The first example the solution comes from a judge.  It’s handed down to you.  You have no choice but to obey this order.  You don’t have a choice about how often you are going to see your kids.  You are a passenger.  No control, putting complete trust in the driver (in this case, the judge).

The second example, you realize that you know your situation, and each other better than anyone else.  So you decide to sit down with each other and have a 3rd party (impartial) person guide you through the process of mediation.  After it’s all said and done, it probably wasn’t the easiest thing you’ve ever done, but you were in control and you made the decisions.  You were the driver.

You have a choice before you step in the car.  Do you want to be a passenger or a driver?

Got a question? Leave a comment or give me an email jason(at)absolutionmediation.ca

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