Family Mediation: The Best Practice for Parents And Their Children When The Marriage Is Over

Family Mediation: The Best Practice for Parents And Their Children When The Marriage Is Over

(From the Huffington Post)

 

What do people do when they are facing a crisis? 

 They ask, "What's the best practice to follow in a situation like this? What do successful companies do?"

Our society would benefit greatly if divorcing parents could be convinced to ask, "What's the best practice now that our marriage is over? What have others done in our situation? What dangers should we avoid? What path should we take?"

Of course a marriage is not a business. Its end is more often marked by regret, anger, and revenge than by the ability to ask wise, logical questions. However, we in the West have had enough experience with divorce to know that there definitely is a best practice for divorcing parents to follow.

It's called mediation, a voluntary process with an impartial third party, a family mediator. The mediator helps couples identify, clarify, and come to an agreement on the major issues between the parents for the sake of the children. Each parent retains a lawyer during this process, but the goal of everyone involved is to avoid the emotional and financial costs of pursuing divorce through the adversary court system.

...The overwhelming majority of lawyers felt that the mediation service was valuable in that it:

1. Helps avoid unnecessary litigation.
2. Better prepares the parties to understand the issues.
3. Allows the client to use the legal services more appropriately.
4. Reduces the client's emotional turmoil. 
5. Protects the children from being caught in the middle.

 

[Read the full article From HuffPost HERE]

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I have mixed feelings about this article. First, it seems a little aggressive on attacking the "adversary" systems - it's not the worse thing in the world and sometimes it is a necessary path...even for divorcing parents.

Secondly, this quote doesn't really seem to support the author's point: "We need to get across to divorcing couples what their children are in for if they take the adversary approach...Children are usually caught in the crossfire of their parents' marital battles, becoming the chief casualties of the divorce. Parents often use them to heal their own bruised egos, or they vie for the children's favor. The children are thus forced into a conflict of loyalties. More often than not the struggle wreaks havoc on their developing personalities."

I don't think that happens only when parents pursue the adversary system. I think that happens all the times in troubled marriages before they even start thinking about divorce. And then it's going to happen no matter how they go about resolving conflicts during the divorce process. Once again, it shows the author's strong distaste for the legal system that I just don't think is justified. Thoughts?

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