10 Ways to Deal With Conflict

Pattie Porter thinks about conflict resolution every day, just like I do.

I enjoyed reading her second Minibük, “Stop Avoiding Conflict“on the plane a few weeks ago.

Here are Pattie’s “10 ways to deal with conflict” to reflect on and incorporate into our lives:

Accept conflict as part of every day life –conflict is everywhere and can be a source of opportunity for greater insight, understanding and change
Recognize the early signs of conflict – observe and listen for those little things in yourself and others that mean conflict is brewing below
Address conflict before it escalates – like fixing a roof before it rains, addressing a conflict before it is full blown can help to save a relationship or avoid unnecessary damage
Know you have choices on how to respond to conflict – replace reactions like shutting down or walking away with staying and listening
Show emotion – it’s OK to show empathy, caring, compassion and concern and even an appropriate amount of negative emotion
Breathe – taking some deep and purposeful breaths can help you to sort out your thoughts and think more clearly during a conflict
Check your assumptions – everything is not always as it appears – reflect and review before jumping to conclusions
Communicate one unmet need every week– unmet needs add up so express them in a simple and direct way to your family, work colleagues, others
Listen… then restate – try not to be the first person to speak in a conflict – that way you can listen to the other person’s concerns first and make sure you understand them before you react.
Work with a feedback partner – identify someone you trust who will be honest with you to give you feedback about your reactions in conflict – there is always more to learn