One of the things that happens when we are masterful in conflict is we not only listen carefully and thoughtfully to what is being said and felt. We are also willing to be curious and hear what is going on inside us and inside the other person. The more emotional we become, the more difficult that is, of course. The thing is, that without curiosity we make and react to our assumptions and let our emotions prevail. Often conflict then evolves because our imaginations take over. Without knowing what is really happening we become increasingly upset.
How to become and remain curious at times of conflict is the question. Not surprisingly, it takes patience and self-control to listen for the sole purpose of listening and not for the purpose of figuring out what to say in response. That is, to not just wait for our turn to talk. When conflict and conflicting feelings take over, it takes thoughtfulness to really hear what the other person is saying and feeling. It takes caring for ourselves too to really hear what we are saying and feeling.
Paying attention to what is on our minds that we are tempted to say often helps to uncover important feelings that are worthy of our curiosity, before expressing them. Likewise, hearing what the other person is saying and realizing he or she too may be boiling inside are also important considerations. Neither of us will be curious if we are furious!
This week’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog is about curiosity then and in answering the following questions, it will help to consider a conflict situation that is brewing inside you as an inner conflict. As with other ConflictMastery™ blogs, feel free to ask the questions in the past tense – about conflicts that have already occurred.
What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?
Originally posted at www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/