Last Monday, I introduced the idea of “communication stoppers” – those phrases that we use that discourage others from communicating with us.

Did you have a chance to see if you were using them too? I know I did and it’s amazing how they slip in to my conversations.

Here is the second half of the list with some examples.

• Persuading or arguing – To try to influence someone with facts or information
“You shouldn’t eat that donut because sugar is bad for your diabetes.”

• Advising – To offer answers to a problem, sometimes without having all of the information
“I’d get rid of that boyfriend if I were you.”

• Diagnosing – To analyze someone’s behavior and communicate what you have figured out (to play psychiatrist)
“You’ve gained weight – that must be depressing.”

• Reassuring or sympathizing – To try to talk someone out of their feelings
“It will get better. Don’t let your mother-in-law bother you so much.”

• Distracting or diverting – To change the subject
“You think you have it bad. Wait ‘til I tell you want happened to my sister.”

• Praising – Praise is a good thing but sometimes it can be used to get someone to do something
“You’re such a good friend. You’ll help me with that project, won’t you?”

I don’t know about you, but I think that this list is even more powerful. We think that we are helping … but in fact, we are discouraging conversation.  So next time someone uses one of these techniques when communicating with you … take note and see how it feels. I know it has changed my approach … but it’s always a work in progress!

Jeanette