I don't know about you ... when I hear the word DEFENSE, I think of a football fan holding up a big letter "D" and a fence and shouting the word so loudly that it resonates above everyone else doing the same thing.

Little did I realize that I could also be thinking about that word in the context of every day conflict.

I had my observer hat on this past week during a conversation with a colleague about a project. The other person brought something up and I realized that I immediately got defensive in response to her words.  I was holding up the big "D" and the fence picture in my mind. And I was amazed at how quickly I shut out what she was saying and all my thoughts came 'over to my side' - in defense of my position on the topic we were discussing.

That meant that I wasn't listening anymore and I couldn't tell you exactly what she was saying - just that I thought that it was contrary to my position. Perhaps she was offering a good suggestion, an alternative approach, more common ground than was apparent --- but NO ... I had already tuned her out and I wasn't going there.

In retrospect, I thought about how I could have changed my approach to our conversation - to be more open to what she was saying and gain more insights to navigate it better.

That might have lead to a quicker resolution of the issue we were discussing because I could have understood what she was saying sooner and avoided hard feelings.

Jeanette