When I practiced law, the conventional wisdom among the lawyers I knew was that when people say "it's not about the money", it's actually about the money.  Or if it IS a matter of principle, then our job as lawyers was to let them know that their principles would not be vindicated by the legal system, but that maybe we could get them some money.  Since I've become a transformative mediator, I now assume that conflicts are about our desire for autonomy and our expectations about how our fellow humans will treat us.  I recently had a dispute with a friend that reminded me how it's often unclear where the money fits into the story.

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