For many of us when a conflict is ostensibly over there are residual feelings and emotions. I have referred to these in previous blogs as the remnants from past conflicts that shroud future conflicts when our feelings and/or the issues in dispute have not been resolved. This post further explores the act of ‘letting go’ of the remnants of conflict.

All sorts of circumstances affect whether and how and how fast we move past our conflicts. Certain people, certain sorts of disputes, certain times, certain moods, and other variables have an impact on how we react to any given situation and the other person. These factors and others also have an impact on when and how we process what occurred in the aftermath and we do so according to our individual and idiosyncratic ways of managing conflict and our emotions. In the end, some of us are able to put things behind us quicker than others.

Letting go essentially means that we do not continue to be adversely affected by whatever occurred in the conflict and the emotions generated within it. We also do not let the dynamic affect our ongoing relationship with the other person. Further, what was said and done do not get regurgitated at a future time and we do not hold onto what was said or done by the other person and ourselves in unforgiving and resentful ways.

These are challenging things to do in some circumstances and may not be possible in all. However, letting go of the vestiges of our conflicts that we do not want to carry around, and doing so in a timely and meaningful way, reflects conflict mastery. And, this ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog aims to provide an opportunity to consider why you let go of some and not other conflicts. To do so, consider a specific dispute you are holding on to when answering the pertinent questions.

  • What are you not letting go of in that particular dispute?
  • What is it about those things (that thing) that lingers on?
  • What does holding on to those things (that thing) satisfy - such as a need, hope, or expectation?
  • What do you want to have happen in this situation or relationship that may be achieved by holding on?
  • If you let go, what is the worst case scenario you imagine?
  • What worst case scenario may result if you do not let go?
  • If you decide to begin the process of letting go, what part of what happened would you let go of first?
  • What does it feel like thinking of beginning to let go?
  • What is the best case scenario, if you let go?
  • What are you thinking now about the idea of letting go?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?

Originally posted at www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/

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