Sometimes we get into a cranky mood for no apparent reason.  Other times we get there because we have onerous things on our minds or we feel hurt by someone’s actions or words. Other times, obligations cause us stress and weigh us down. These and other types of happenings that occur in our daily lives will contribute to a state of mind and heart that can negatively affect us and those around us. In these sorts of moods, we may be more apt to pick fights or be more vulnerable and sensitive to others’ comments and actions. We may judge and find fault more easily than usual and take out our emotions about other things on the person who becomes the target of our disposition. We displace what we are experiencing. We misplace our feelings.

There is something deliberate about ‘picking’ our fights and this resonates with the notion of choice. We are able to choose not to fight, which is always an important message to tell ourselves.

This blog is about questions that help to examine what’s happening for us when we find ourselves picking fights. Consider a situation in which you experience(d) the weight of life’s events that is having an impact on you and that have an impact on unrelated things going on to answer these questions:

  • What is going on for you when you think about the person who is irritating you right now? (That is, what are you thinking and feeling?)
  • How would you describe the mood you are experiencing about what is occurring?
  • In what ways is the situation, dynamic and/or person similar to other situations you have experienced?
  • How is it different?
  • What reasons do you feel the necessity to confront the other person who is currently provoking you, if you do?
  • If not considering it a necessity to confront the person, what is motivating your feelings most right now?
  • What are those feelings?
  • How or what else are you feeling disharmony about at this time?
  • What may you be displacing that has more to do with that person or situation than this one?
  • What outcome do you want about what’s happening?
  • Since you have a choice about whether to pick a fight, what other choices do you have?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?

 

Originally posted at www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/

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