Something that happens to many of us in the aftermath of interpersonal conflict is a tendency to agonize about what happened. We may criticize ourselves – wishing we had said something else or differently. We may blame the other person and not let go of our feelings about him or her. We may continue to ruminate about unresolved hurts and issues. We may make the situation bigger than it was, or try to minimize it while still experiencing a huge impact that we try to supress.
These types of post-conflict responses and others that occur have many layers to them and at times they may even demonstrate a need to continue the pain. In any case, lingering agony keeps us from moving on and often contributes to building grudges and repeating behaviours we don’t like about ourselves. The sorts of conflict mastery questions that follow help to think out this tendency to agonize in the aftermath of conflict.
Please add any other comments about this topic. Or, what other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you ask about post-conflict agonizing?
Originally posted on www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/