We often talk about the relationship breaking down when we are in a dispute and in fact, we do disconnect in many ways from the other person. We often lose connection with our own feelings and thoughts, too. It’s difficult to imagine that things can be mended when this happens and some of us experience mournful feelings – grieving that the relationship may be irreparable. It’s an uncomfortable and stressful place to be and we generally feel off balance and out of choice. These sorts of emotions and thoughts are often why some people avoid conflict. We fear that raising issues will have the potential for breaking the relationship.

Figuring out how to connect with the other person while we are in an interpersonal dispute may however, pre-empt the sense or reality that things are breaking down. That essentially means, trying to address what’s going on when the schism actually begins to form. At these times, it helps to consider how to make a link that reconnects us in some way and that reconnects us to ourselves too. Or, perhaps it really starts with the reconnection to ourselves.

Please consider how the questions in today’s blog may facilitate the possibility of reconnecting to ourselves and the other person, by considering a dispute where you still feel disconnected from the other person:

  • How may you describe the disconnect between you and the other person?
  • How may you describe the disconnect within you?
  • What does that feel like for you? What do you observe that the disconnection is like for the other person?
  • How badly do you want to be reconnected on a scale of 1-5, 5 being very much?
  • About what may the two of you still be connected?
  • What will connection look like when you achieve it?
  • What do you need right now to reconnect?
  • How do you want to feel about the other person when this occurs? How do you want him or her to feel about you?
  • How do you want to feel within you and about yourself?
  • How may you salvage these connections in the future when you begin to disconnect from yourself and the other person?

Please feel free to suggest other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions).

 

Originally posted on www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/

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