Talk about conflict resolution skills! I have a very young, very sweet pre-marital counseling couple which comes to see me, and that’s usually the topic of conversation.I figure–teach them good conflict resolution skills, and they’ll be set. So, we focus on them quite a bit.

Last night, they brought up a recent argument about registering for a crystal ice bucket, retail price $350.00. She wanted it–he didn’t. So, I used the opportunity to teach them about…

I stopped by the store the other day and bought a $3.99 bouquet of flowers for my mom – I found her favorites, alstroemeria. She LOVED them … you would think that I had given her a giant arrangement – you know the kind that you see in the lobby of a fancy hotel.

That got me to thinking that bringing a little joy to someone you care about…

So, the family and I went to Washington, D.C. last week, and I would call it a vacation–except there’s nothing relaxing about dragging three children through the streets of Washington, D.C. to view all the historic sites.

But, it was a learning experience. And, on the last day, as we toured the U.S. Capitol, I learned that we have a long heritage of conflict resolution in this country–and that made me proud. As we were listening to our tour in the Rotunda,…

An experience at court the other day gave me the idea for this post about change and how we deal with it.

We have been mediating at court in the same conference room for about three years now. Last week, I arrived to find that another group had vacated the room but left a projector at the end of the long table where I usually sit. The rule at the court is that you don’t touch any…

If you’re like me, you’ve often wondered why some apologies seem, well, insincere. Turns out, there’s real science behind the art of apologies, and researchers at The University of Miami think they’ve cracked the code, according to an article in Yahoo Health.

In the study, 356 young men and women completed questionnaires and took part in interviews about a conflict and their feelings about the person involved in the conflict. They also prepared a speech, which was filmed, and…

Have you ever thought about how you handle conflict?

In our 40 hour mediation class, our students do a learning exercise to better understand their approaches to conflict. What surprises most of them is that they use a variety of ways, based on the situation or person they are dealing with.

Here is a fun way to think about your approaches to conflict resolution – taken from the animal kingdom.

TURTLE – THE AVOIDER…

Since children seem to grow up so fast these days, it’s hard to remember that they’re still…well…children. And, children absorb EVERYTHING around them, including conflict.

Last Monday, I introduced the idea of “communication stoppers” – those phrases that we use that discourage others from communicating with us.

Did you have a chance to see if you were using them too? I know I did and it’s amazing how they slip in to my conversations.

Here is the second half of the list with some examples.

•…

How do you know when it’s time to cut bait? It’s a question that’s plagued me for a while now, mostly because many of my clients are in my office as a direct result of the inability to do so.

Mostly, my clients are wondering when to say “good-bye” to their marriages, but the anxiety over ending a relationship doesn’t only pertain to romantic ones. Business relationships, friendships, even toxic family relationships can be exceedingly hard to give up. So,…

What can inhibit 2 way conversation?? A ‘communication stopper’ can.

What’s that?

A communication stopper is a phrase that discourages someone from expressing him or herself.  It may not only shut down a conversation, but can also make it more difficult to connect again in the future.

I pulled out the manual for our 40 hour Basic Mediation class…

Mediation and Couples Therapy–Mutually Exclusive?



Jeanette recently sent me an article about mediation and couples therapy by Don Sinkov, a New York mediator, which focused on mediation and couples therapy. Basically, the writer expressed his thoughts on referring couples to therapy when the issues run too deep for the mediation table.

The writer focused on…

Today’s blog is dedicated to whoever created the graphic upon which it is based. I don’t know who you are, so I can’t give you credit. I stumbled upon your thoughts while doing an Internet search for another post.

My brother recently sent me an article about marriage–and, how studies now show that only three in ten married couples are “happily” married. We’ve all heard that half of all marriages fail, but I never thought much about the marriages that are “on paper only.” Until now, that is.

The article (I’ve put a link below) talks about what those three in ten happy marriages have in common–and, it may surprise you what it is. It’s simple kindness. The researchers studied these couples…

The Conflict Triangle

We’ve all done. Instead of talking to the person with whom we are in conflict, we reach out to someone else – a third person.  Hence the name … conflict triangle.

It seems like it’s a good thing to do. It’s comfortable. But is it really a good move?

The…

I’ve started doing something in my therapy room that (I hope) has been helpful to many of my clients. And, now that I think about it, it may be helpful for pretty much anyone involved in a conflict.

I start by asking the client to write a letter to himself (or herself) from his dearest friend…someone who has his best interest in mind and someone who supports them unconditionally. So, for example, if a client has an ongoing conflict with his spouse, I would…

So ... it's happened. You are being drawn into a conflict. Things are going downhill and you can see the pattern - attack and counterattack. You don't want to go there. What can you do???

I found these suggestions in a book entitled "The Seven Challenges Workbook" which is a guide to cooperative communication skills. They are great to practice when you are in a conflict 'emergency.'…

I must admit something: I’ve been known to watch some reality T.V., most of it on the Bravo network. I’m not particularly proud of it, but I’m glad I tuned in the other day because I happened to catch an ad for a new show called, “Untying the Knot.”

I

It’s about a divorce attorney and “top mediator,” and, of course, I HAD to watch!

I caught the first show today, and I watched as a California mediator helped a divorcing couple split up the last three assets in…

Are there words that are so BIG that they get in the way of having a meaningful conversation?

That's what ''always' and 'never' can be.

Have you ever been in this situation? Someone is telling you a story, perhaps because they are annoyed with their child, employee, elderly parent, dog, whoever ... and suddenly it pops out. A 'never' or 'always' phrase like:…

We write an awful lot about conflict resolution (and, why wouldn't we--we're a conflict resolution blog!) But, this post is a little different.It's about conflict itself or, more specifically, the idea that not ALL battles are worth fighting. Yesterday, a friend of mine told me that her husband will likely relocate the family to South Dakota because of Nevada's regulations regarding trust companies.

It's something that's been a possibility for some time, but, now, it seems nearly…

Building conflict resolution skills for children .... that's one of my favorite things to blog about.

Last October, my colleague, Dr. Bob Quilitch, a Reno psychologist, suggested that I write about Teen Timer Talks, a technique he uses for with teenage girls to structure how they have conversation with each other when in conflict.

'Deciding Games' is…