When in conflict we commonly turn our negative energy on the other person in various ways. Examples may be by gossiping about her or him, blaming, name-calling, and generally saying counterproductive and mean-spirited things to and about her or him. The irony of the expression, “When you throw dirt, you lose ground” (credited as a Texan proverb) is not lost on those of us aiming to become more conflict masterful.
Throwing dirt of the nature described above, even if it feels good in the moment, can easily backfire in unanticipated ways. For instance, people who we complain to may not provide support and find our own actions in the dispute or the fact that we are bad-mouthing the other person to be unacceptable. They may lose respect for us, consider us petty, and voice their objections. Some of these reactions may lead to conflict between us too.
Another way that throwing dirt backfires is the fact that there is nothing to be gained by those behaviours. At least, there is nothing I know of that leads to a favorable result – if that is what is intended. Examples may be that the other person no longer engages with us or reacts in a way that is any more productive than our actions and words are. In the end, ground is lost in these ways and more.
If you tend to throw dirt, this week’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) will be relevant to you:
What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?
Originally posted on www.cinergycoaching.com/blog/