My conflict resolution colleague, Jim Melamed, has been in the middle of some pretty gnarly conflicts. And he has seen some pretty amazing outcomes.

Why?

Because he is a mediator and a darn good one.

Jim wrote an article for mediate.com entitled “Effective Conversations in American Society.”

He’s tired … tired of the of the political posturing that is feeds on the…

The left hand side of our brain is logical, sequential, rational, analytical, objective and focuses on parts.

It is what we call upon to solve problems in an organized and methodical way.

It helps us memorize, prioritize and make decisions.

Turns out that we use it about 90% of the time.

The right hand side of our brain is random, intuitive, synthesizing and subjective. And it looks at the whole.

It tries different approaches and…

I’ve always wanted to be a great tennis player (which could be why I have all three of my children playing), but, alas, it was not meant to be. I don’t mean to sound defeatist, but frankly, I’m not much of an athlete and never will be. It’s OK–I have other talents.

Why the personal tale of tennis woes? Because I’ve found a lot of joy this past year taking a “cardio” tennis class with a group of (mostly) seniors at our club. I can run to the ball, but can’t hit. They can hit…

Conflict has taken hold.

Communication has broken down.

Everyone has become less flexible.

The sides have retreated to their respective corners.

Each party wants to defeat the other – so one side MUST lose.

Tension mounts – resolution seems remote.

That’s what’s occurring in the foreground.

But if you are lucky, there is at least one person who isn’t as entrenched as everyone else.…

How many times have you been upset at your spouse, partner, child? If you’re like most of us, the number is too high to count! But, do you still love that person? If the relationship is important enough, you’ll work through it and continue to love that person long after the conflict is over.

When I was a very young girl, there was couple that lived next door – Harry and JR. I wanted to marry Harry.

I couldn’t tell you now what he looked like or recall the sound of his voice. All I can remember is that he was a wonderful person to be around – warm and inviting.

Actually, I picked today’s blog topic not because of Harry, but because of a few people I know who are basically angry and disgruntled. They have a few bright moments now and then,…

As any parent will tell you, raising kids is a pretty precarious job. Too many experts give too much advice about too many things, and it’s hard to understand which techniques will work and which won’t. Which is why I’ve come up with a no-frills, conflict-reducing theory about parenting: Be reasonable.

It all started when I had my first child, and I was told I had to be “rigid.” If she breaks a rule? No ice cream for a year! (and I had to actually stick to that). Break another…

I would bet my next paycheck that this has happened to you.

A friend, spouse or someone else close to you makes a remark out of the blue — and it hit’s like a bombshell. It’s the offhand comment that really hurts.

Q: What got me thinking about this?

A: A wonderful article in the New York Times entitled: The Remarkable Shelf Life of the Offhand…

I read a great NY Times review  of the Pixar film “Finding Dory,” which opened in theaters last Friday. I haven’t had the chance to see it,  but now it’s on my list.

Why?

Because according to the reviewer, the movie…

I have a dear friend here in Hawaii who, by nature, is calm, rational, and easygoing. Naturally, she doesn’t love conflict, but guess who does? Her mom.

In fact, her mom likes conflict so much that she’s determined to instill a “fighting spirit” in my dear friend, her daughter. Turns out, mom reports that she instigates fights with her daughter in order to teach her how to stand-up for herself and fight. No matter what the subject, mom will pick a fight about anything and…

Did you know that there are nine common conflict “hot buttons?”

You can take an online test (thanks to the Center for Conflict Dynamics at Eckerd College) to find out which button(s) irk you the most.

Which will it be?

• Unreliable – people who can’t be counted on
• Overly analytical – people who are perfectionists and focus too much on…

We all want to be friends with “nice” people, don’t we? They return our calls, they support us when we need them, and they are kind and sweet at least 80% of the time. Who WOULDN’T want to be friends with them?

But, recently, I’ve made it a habit to seek out those who rub people the wrong way. You know who they are – they’re brash, loud, and oftentimes say the wrong thing.

So, why would I do this?

Turns out, I’ve learned a lot about…

We had a good wet winter and spring in Reno this year. And everything has grown like crazy – including the weeds.

You know, at first you see a few and then all of a sudden, it seems like a whole new clump has just grown overnight.  It was my intent to take care of the unwelcome garden guests one weekend – when all it did was rain.

So, the next time I planned to set aside for this task was over Memorial Day weekend. Of the three day holiday, it was…

Today is Memorial Day – a day of remembrance for those who died in service to our country.

Originally called Decoration Day (from the early tradition of decorating graves with flowers, wreaths and flags), Memorial Day dates back to the years after the Civil War and was declared a federal holiday in 1971 by President Richard Nixon.

Now celebrated as part of a three-day weekend, it represents the beginning of summer filled…

Adolescence is here. And I don’t like it.

Our foray into our daughter’s adolescence came like an avalanche this past weekend – not the peaceful transition I was hoping for. And I find myself wishing I could turn back time.

A little back story: When our (usually) responsible 6th grader asked to go to the park with a friend and her Mom, we didn’t even blink. She’s always been honest with us, so there was no reason to question her intentions UNTIL my husband did a little “spying”…

Adolescence is here. And I don’t like it.

Our foray into our daughter’s adolescence came like an avalanche this past weekend – not the peaceful transition I was hoping for. And I find myself wishing I could turn back time.

A little back story: When our (usually) responsible 6th grader asked to go to the park with a friend and her Mom, we didn’t even blink. She’s always been honest with us, so there was no reason to question her intentions UNTIL my husband did a little “spying”…

Adolescence is here. And I don’t like it.

Our foray into our daughter’s adolescence came like an avalanche this past weekend – not the peaceful transition I was hoping for. And I find myself wishing I could turn back time.

A little back story: When our (usually) responsible 6th grader asked to go to the park with a friend and her Mom, we didn’t even blink. She’s always been honest with us, so there was no reason to question her intentions UNTIL my husband did a little “spying”…

I have spent a fair amount of time in my life rehabbing from injuries, surgeries and accidents.

The genesis for this post comes from being in physical therapy.

It’s a place where everyone has some kind of a limitation. They limp. They walk with the aid of a cane, crutches or walker. They wear slings and various braces. They are often in pain and know that it’s the kind that they have to work through to get better.

On the positive side, PT is…

In my therapy practice, I preach a lot about tolerance. Sometimes, I’ll even start out sessions by asking, “how is your tolerance holding up?” What I mean is this: “How much more can you take before you take action?”

It’s been interesting to watch because some clients’ tolerance is high -REALLY high. Sometimes even TOO high. Others have a low level of tolerance and are ready to bail on a marriage, relationship, job, etc. at the drop of a hat. Often, their level of tolerance mimics…

One of the most common forms of conflict I experience in my work as a couples therapist has to do with the notion of “turning in – or turning away” from one’s partner. And, it’s also the most common predictor (in my opinion, anyway) of whether a couple will stay together or disconnect.

What I mean is this: When you have a problem/inner conflict/personal loss, do you turn TOWARD your partner for support? Or do you turn away from your partner and isolate yourself?

I…