I haven’t heard this expression – get your goat – for a while and since writing this blog I have become intrigued with such idioms. This one typically refers to the reaction when someone does something that provokes, infuriates, or annoys us. According to one source the origin is described as follows:

“The dictionary definition of goat is 'a ruminant quadruped of the genus Capra'. What's that got to do…

When we are in conflict with another person or the dynamics between us seem to be leaning towards one developing, some of us have a tendency to begin to find fault with the other person. We may say to ourselves or others that she or he is “getting on our nerves”. We may attribute negative motives to her or him. We may stay away from this person or show the emotions we are experiencing in various ways. One of the expressions some people use to describe people who are annoying us and to whom…

Have you ever heard this idiom – ‘you could cut the air with a knife’? Generally-speaking, it is a term that describes a tense situation between people and, at times, there is a sense of foreboding that something unpleasant is about to happen. When I looked up the derivation I did not find a lot to draw from. However, here is one commentator’s attempt at a physiological explanation:

“I suggest…

One of the ways that some people manage conflict is by using the ‘silent treatment’. This expression refers to “Maintenance of aloof silence toward another as an expression of one’s anger or disapproval”. The same source says this phrase is “a deliberate discourteous act”.

There may be a number of reasons for using the silent treatment – and some intentions may be like those for letting the other person…

There are times in our interpersonal conflicts that – after the fact – we state things like, “I wish I hadn’t said that”. This is along the lines of “If I had it to do over”. It is often a statement made when we acknowledge that something we said triggered off a reaction in the other person that served no purpose except maybe to escalate the dispute. When we are…

The other day a colleague (I’ll call her Janet) told me she and a co-worker (I’ll call him David) had a heated disagreement about a work matter. Janet went on to say that David called her a few hours after and left a contrite message asking to have a coffee and work things out. She then told me she decided not to reply for a few days to let David “stew in his own juices” for a while. When I asked what she means by that, Janet answered, “I thought I’d just let him feel badly a little longer…

Gratitude communication involves expressing appreciation or thanks to others. Hear powerful, real-life stories of individuals who shared moments of gratitude in their work lives. Take away tips to guide you in your own life, whether handling a difficult situation or simply savoring a situation that's already amazing.

Dr. Ross Brinkert is an associate professor of…

On a recent post on the Conflict Coaching Guild on LinkedIn I posed the following question:

“Generally-speaking, a common reaction - when we are provoked by something another person says or does (or doesn't say or do) - is to make assumptions about their motive, character, etc.

This tendency often heightens in intensity and malevolence if the perceived offense is repeated and our emotional reaction increases.

However, why do you suppose we do not check…

I have been thinking about when I hear someone explaining their rationale for saying or doing something that has upset or provoked me or another person. I realize that at times it sounds like an excuse and at other times it sounds like a reason. You may ask what difference does it make?

Providing reasons or excuses in our conflict interactions often seem to arise during the course of a dispute or after it is over. At these times, we - or the other person - may give a reason or excuse…

I have heard the statement “If I had it to do over …” in many contexts, including about choices of partners, careers, schooling, places to live, and so on. This week’s blog is about how this preamble arises in some interpersonal conflicts - in the aftermath.

There are a number of reasons that, in retrospect, we may speak about a situation in terms of what we ought to have done differently. Such statements may be said with regrets, disappointment in ourselves, and even a sense of…

As more and more teachers in the area of negotiation and dispute resolution consider taking their courses (or, parts of them) online, I’ve received many queries of the “How do you get started?” variety. And, I’m not the only one fielding these questions. I'd like to share a resource, addressing these questions.…

The other day a friend – I’ll call her Jane – was telling me about an ongoing dispute she was having with a co-worker. She complained about the way her colleague Ted acts, looks, talks, and just about everything else. Clearly, their interactions had deteriorated over time and their current communications are mostly through others, i.e. “Tell Ted that I need the report by 3:00” and Ted’s response, “Tell her she’ll get it when I’m finished it”.

Through the course of conveying this…

In his wonderful poem “Sometimes” (from Everything is Waiting for You, 2007, Many Rivers Press), David Whyte refers to questions that “have no right to go away”. I really like that statement and it touched a chord in me. So, considering my fascination with the art of inquiry I thought about using Whyte’s phrase as the title and premise of this week’s blog.

It seems that when we are in interpersonal conflict we ask ourselves many things about what is going on between the other person…

We know that conflict has the potential for bringing out negativity in us when we are in dispute with another person. What form and shape that takes varies, of course, and depends in large part on our individual ways of coping, the circumstances, who the other person is, and the history with her or him. Negativity that erupts in any case seems to increase as we become more and more entrenched and the certainty about our rightness and the other person’s wrongness prevails. We may…

It seems statements that go like, “I didn’t mean it that way” are ones we use when something we said or how we said it is misinterpreted by another person and offends her or him. Or, it may be a gesture that is misread. In either case, as a consequence of the other person’s reaction to us and the realization that our words or actions are perceived in a way that is not intended, we attempt to defend ourselves and explain what we meant. This is when we may utter phrases like, “I didn’t mean it…

The colour red is a symbol for many different things, such as blood, a signal to stop, heat, and a warning. In the conflict context we sometimes use the expression seeing red to describe our reaction to something another person did or said that offends us. This phrase reportedly “derives from the sport of bull-fighting and the toreador’s use of a red cape to deceive the bull”. The explanation goes though…

We negotiate every single day over important and routine requests. Spouses negotiate over household and financial duties, co-workers negotiate time off, job tasks, promotions and salaries. When a perceived disagreement or dispute erupts, know how to negotiate effectively…

When a judge in a court makes a decision on legal issues in dispute she or he considers many things depending on the situation. It may be the relevant case law, statutes, written and oral evidence provided, witness statements, and other information. Decisions judges make are not always straightforward, and sometimes we may be shocked at their determinations on cases.

When we, who are not judges, make judgments about other people, we do so with far less data. That is, we often do so as…

Similar in some ways to the idiom ‘beating around the bush’ described in a previous ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog, the expression stonewalling refers to the tendency to avoid responding to a question or to be evasive. For me though, stonewalling seems to conjure up a stronger image of obstruction and uncooperativeness.

There are different…

Medicine is more complex than ever and the complexity is only increasing due to healthcare reform, new technology, new medications, complex treatments to name a few. As health care continues its transformation, so will the relationship between physician and patient. Patients are finding that they have less time in which to present , discuss, or follow up on an health issue and, in addition, it's increasingly difficult to understand medical terms and treatment options. Given that time with…