Have you had the experience when a friend, colleague or family member tries to impose their beliefs, needs, values, or expectations on you regarding a way you handled a situation? I have never been fussy about sentences that start with “You should have...” and then a pronouncement of what the speaker thinks would have been more appropriate. Of course, it may well be that I did not use my strongest conflict mastery skills at these times. Yet, I am not meaning to share what happened so that I…

I have been thinking about when I hear someone explaining their rationale for saying or doing something that has upset or provoked me or another person. I realize that at times it sounds like an excuse and at other times it sounds like a reason. You may ask what difference does it make?

Providing reasons or excuses in our conflict interactions often seem to arise during the course of a dispute or after it is over. At these times, we - or the other person - may give a reason or excuse…

I have heard the statement “If I had it to do over …” in many contexts, including about choices of partners, careers, schooling, places to live, and so on. This week’s blog is about how this preamble arises in some interpersonal conflicts - in the aftermath.

There are a number of reasons that, in retrospect, we may speak about a situation in terms of what we ought to have done differently. Such statements may be said with regrets, disappointment in ourselves, and even a sense of…

The other day a friend – I’ll call her Jane – was telling me about an ongoing dispute she was having with a co-worker. She complained about the way her colleague Ted acts, looks, talks, and just about everything else. Clearly, their interactions had deteriorated over time and their current communications are mostly through others, i.e. “Tell Ted that I need the report by 3:00” and Ted’s response, “Tell her she’ll get it when I’m finished it”.

Through the course of conveying this…