Cinnie Noble's Blog – May 2013 Archive (5)

"That's Not Fair"

One of the common statements that occurs in conflict is, “that’s not fair”. It may be a response to an action that is seen – according to our sensibilities, values, and beliefs – as wrong. It may be an emotional reaction to a decision or position someone is taking on a matter with which we disagree. It may be due to a rule, policy, or procedure that we experience as oppressive, threatening, or undermining. It may be a perception that another person is being arbitrary, unthinking, obstinate,…

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Added by Cinnie Noble on May 30, 2013 at 5:00am — No Comments

FEARS ABOUT TEARS

When some of us get upset we cry. It’s just what happens. Crying is considered by some to be gender and sometimes culture specific. However, in my coaching work I have seen both men and women from a wide range of cultures cry. I have also heard both genders - across cultures - talk about internal weeping though those words are not used.

(Internal weeping may be described as experiencing deep and overwhelming feelings about the situation or the other person. Words to express these…

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Added by Cinnie Noble on May 23, 2013 at 5:00am — No Comments

YOU CAN CATCH MORE FLIES WITH HONEY THAN WITH VINEGAR

I was fairly young when I first heard the idiom ‘you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar’. It was one of my mother’s pearls of wisdom. Her name was Pearle and so, she took her name seriously by dispensing precious lessons on life with short homilies and expressions.

I recall this particular one was said to me when I wanted something from my cousin and after a few attempts at asking nicely, I gave up and became more demanding. I can still hear my mother making this…

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Added by Cinnie Noble on May 16, 2013 at 5:00am — No Comments

CONFLICT RESILIENCE

The aftermath of conflict is fraught with ongoing tension for many. Even when a situation is resolved, it is common that residual feelings and thoughts prevail. Hurt, anger, disappointment, and other emotions that linger reflect unresolved needs for which blame and criticism and other negative reactions may remain. Some people are plagued by wish-statements like: “I wish I had said…”; or “I wish I hadn’t…” Sometimes, the afterthought and feelings overwhelm and preclude any semblance of…

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Added by Cinnie Noble on May 9, 2013 at 5:00am — No Comments

SPEAKING UP

One of the things that leads to conflict – at least inner conflict – is when we seem to lose the ability to speak up, voice our needs, express our feelings, defend our perspective, and so on. This may have to do with the fear of conflict and ironically, can easily result in unnecessary discord and tension – at least internally.

There may be some situations and people that are more challenging than others that seem to preclude the wherewithal to speak up. Or, for some speaking up does…

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Added by Cinnie Noble on May 2, 2013 at 5:00am — No Comments

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